Game over

We all set goals, both long term and short term. For a lot of we try our best to accomplish things with in a year.

What did I do this year? Sometimes it feels like I haven't done anything much. Left over from the family script that needs a re-write. Looking back, I did do things this year. I raised chickens and pups. I have two great girl dogs that are healthy and happy. They are playing in the back yard with the adult dogs right now, and I can have quite to work in the home office.

I have lost about 20 lbs I didn't need this year. In 12 weeks I spent concentrating on my diet and exercise routine. In that time my clothes have gotten quite a bit looser and I have more energy. All the dancing I did helped out with it. In all I have had tons of dance performances. It has helped keep me on track and help push me to work harder and grow as a dancer/performer. I didn't dance these last few months, and if I had scheduled a dance I would not have been able to do a reading this last Sunday. In Hollywood a friend hosts a reading, I put my name in the hat and was the last to read. While dancing is great, writing is my life's work and it felt so great to focus on that.

To that end, I had three articles come out this last year. I took a look at them again today. Its amazing, I don't think about it everyday and sometimes I forget to be happy about that. Of course I worked hard this year at the shop and I helped out my friends with eggs.

This blog is not just to show off and give myself a pat on the back. We all want to feel that we are not wasting time and just letting the years pass. I had a landmark birthday and it didn't feel that great. Sure I still get carded, I just am not where I thought I would be at this age. It helps if I can think of the good things I did, and not what didn't happen.

I still have many other goal to work towards, the game is not over!

Pipe Masters

If you haven't been following all the action on Surf line, I can't help you. It was great to be able to see everything happing live while in the comfort of my own home in my PJ's and drinking coffee in front of the PC.

There are many things that the Internet is great for and this is one. I saw more than I would have on Fuel TV or other networks. I wish Surfing was covered just as much as other sports. Sure there is Fuel, but there isn't Sunday Surfing like Football or Baseball.

That would have been a better idea for Fox than the extreme football....what was that anyway? Its not like they came onto the field swinging a mace ball at each other like gladiators.

I still have my new surf board that has yet to get into the water. I want to change a few things about it before I use it. The color is yellow and I don't care for that, it was on sale. Having said that, I still can't wait to get back into my normal grove. What did I do this last year? I looked after pups, my friend and worked hard on losing weight. I will get back out there, I love it too much to quit.

Looking forward to more surfing in my life and in my writing. As for Pipe Masters, Congrats to all. You are all great. Sure one goes home with the trophy but you all got to ride those great waves. Who isn't stoked for that?

Winter

For those that surf, we know that winter is when things really happen. This week is not exception. Not watching Pipe Masters on Surfline? Shame on you! Record swells and you get to see people in the sun and it seems warm for them. Good stuff.

I love all of the seasons and I love 'winter' in So Cal. This week it rained and I can see the mountains covered with snow. Its so pretty and it reminds us of why we live here. Sure its been cold and I bundle up in my vintage coat at night. Its still such a pleasure to see the rain and it smells great afterwards.

Not all of my friends feel this way. Half love it, the other hate it. It really depends on if you are comfortable or not when it is cold. My slim friends hate the cold weather.

While I make sure to keep out of the water after a rain storm, I love that the beach is mostly empty and no one is just sunning themselves. Its quite and nice and peaceful. All the things I need to recharge my soul for the week ahead.

My chickens didn't care for the rain and they told me all about it when I went to see them. Poor things were all wet. they had plenty of space in the coop to keep dry, but they didn't. Don't worry they are all fine. I'm sure they can take the mild So Cal winter.

Winter Chills

I have been longing to get back into the water. It seems like every time I try, I keep getting sick.

This last month I was ill quite a bit, and now that I'm better my family is sick. At least its not my dogs, Middy was ill last month as well.

Sure its the time of year when people get colds and flu-season, its also cooler at night and time to put on extra blankets. Its been said you won't get a cold from the chill of the night, only if you have been exposed to the virus. Still, its better to put on the jacket and bundle up for warmth.

In trying to stay well I am sleeping by myself, well my dog Middy has been there to keep me warm. Nothing like a warm dog to cuddle up to on a cold night.

If I can stay healthy I will get back out there, cold or not. That's what wetsuits are for anyway. Keep warm and well, as much as you can.

Sales

It seems that there are sales everywhere and no one has any money to buy anything. Just like in the last depression, when things were dirt cheep and still no one had the nickel to buy two dozen oranges.

This time around things are still priced high, even with the discount, and will anyone have the money to buy them? Flat screen TVs are low priced, mine works fine and I won't be getting a new one anytime soon. Could use a new refrigerator, but if the price is not in our budget, we won't get one now.

There is a company selling corsets at 40% off, I would love one, no money for that either. The only new things I have been able to get were at the O'Neil warehouse sale. I was really glad since my old t-shirts were getting shabby looking and needed to be thrown out and replaced. There was also surf board for sale and at great discount. I'm sure they ran out of those before the sale was over, people did jump on that deal!

Things I am happy for, my chickens and their eggs. My dogs are healthy and we all have a roof over our heads. I pray to be content with these things, it does help. The fact that our balance is low at the bank makes it necessary. Sure there are lots of sales, but I don't have the money for them, at all.

Weekend

This weekend I will be going on my very first Cruise. While it combines things that I love, the ocean, eating and drinking, it should be fun.

I have no point of reference this time, since I have never been on a ship before. This has been a hard year and we have not been able to go out of town at all. Just the thought of getting out of town makes me a bit happy.

I haven't been surfing much with all my dogs and health concerns. Now I can't wait, but I have been sick again this week. It becomes too much to be at home all the time, and we need to get out and about.

The other good things this week. The much awaited O'Neil sale is on and we can go to that on our way to the port. So glad, really need to stock up on t-shirts and things. On the way back we will drop by the outlets. If it weren't for these things I wouldn't be able to have new things. Also I can get much more for my money.
My dogs are feeling better and the people I care about are safe and sound. That alone helps me to sleep better.

With all that it will be nice to sit back read have a drink in my hand and relax. At least for one weekend.

Needs

In my shopping I have to ask myself, if it's a need or a want. I had to get a few pairs of tights this week, and it was a need. Sure I got a lipstick as well. I have others, but this one was really great and I needed to feel pretty. I haven't felt that great lately. It helps to have something new and nice for a change.

The other needs in my life right now, I need to get back into the water. I need to be at the beach and look up at the clouds and relax. I need to taste the salt water and with all the weight I have been losing I hope it will help my surfing.

Other things I need, a few new t-shirts. I'm waiting for the O'Neil sale to stock up. Its one of the best deals in town. I have thrown out all the ones that don't fit are too worn out. I don't need 50 t-shirts, just a few.

I don't need to go out all the time, just once in a while. I don't need to see the movies at the movie house, every once in a while, yes I do. Not everything has to be rented. Sure I sneak in my own snacks in my big purse to save money. It's fun too.

I need to go out dancing once in a while. Sure I get to dance in my classes and in my living room. Every once in while I need to go out and just dance. I need to know my friends are ok and I email and text and give them hugs. In these ruff times its just nice to hear, "I love you and miss you". Okay its always nice to hear that, and we all need it. :-)

Goal

The last 12 weeks I have been on a mission to lose weight. In that I have been successful. Sure I can still stand to lose more, and I am make head-way.

Sometimes I forget all the things I have been able to accomplish over the years. It's silly that I don't give myself enough credit for it. Left over feelings from my family. My mother used to say that I never finished what I started. That was so untrue, even then.

In the last few years, I have finished my book which I am trying to get agent for. There is the scooter shop that against all odds is still up and running. I have helped to raise a few litters of pups.

As far as my exercise routine this is going to be 4 years of consistently going to Pilate's and 3 years of Belly dancing. In the Belly dancing I have become quite good and have performed most of the year, even subbing for my teacher.

The last 12 weeks was about dancing more times a week. I was able to do that and it has help so much. I have a lot more energy and don't get winded like I used to. This will all help in my surfing. I need to get back out and do that. Really I have a lot of motivation in myself and I get up and go all on my own. I do pray for the endurance to keep going and to keep a positive outlook.

Some say we should just be happy no matter what weight we are. The truth is we are not healthy being overweight. I have not been healthy and it is that concern that has made me really take this to heart. Sure we don't want to be mean, but encouraging family that is overweight to go for a walk with you or a bike ride can be a positive way to tell them, "I love you and want you to be healthier and around for a long time."

Here is to the rest of the year and keeping up with my goals! OXOX

Back on track

There was a few weeks there, I was thinking I had reached a stand-still in my weight lost, I was wrong. It seems I just needed to go back to class and needed to keep up with my routine. The past few months I have been using dance dates to keep working up a new number and keep dancing. The holiday months are coming up and I have not signed up for another dance spot.

Now the routine has to continue for my health and not just to get ready for a performance. It hasn’t been easy; the last month has been very stressful. The pups are getting bigger and there has not been that much interest in them. Now there is and it is such a good thing.

As it happens I have always told people that I don’t like to exercise and for the most part it is true. The only reason I do is so that I don’t get huge, well I didn’t exercise regularly for a few years and I did get big. Now these last three years I have been regular in my routines and it has helped. The most progress has been once I introduced belly dancing into my life. The combo of that and Pilates has been great, they really complement each other.

Sure I can say I got into a slump the last two weeks, and now that I have pulled myself out of it I saw results and lose and other 1.5 lbs. I feel great and have continued to dance before work. I feel as if I could keep this up. Going back to class helped me to get inspired to do more.

I was reading a magazine and they were encouraging readers to make exercise a practice and not a goal. Good advice, I need to keep this up not to met a goal, but because it is good for me. If I want to enjoy good health and keep doing the things I enjoy, I had better. Sure some days it’s hard for me to get out of bed, I feel so stiff, it may mean more stretching. Whatever it takes, I just have to keep on track. 

Small Signs

In my 9th week of trying to keep up this exercise routine and it is getting more and more difficult. I don’t have a performance to look forward to and I just have to look at the overall goal of being fit and healthy.


I have to look for little signs that I am making progress. My clothes fit loosely, that is a big factor that helps in keeping my spirits up. Sure I really want a hamburger and soda, I have to remind myself how bad I will feel afterwards. The scale is not always my friend, so I give it a rest. I feel better eating well, that is my sign for the day.

People that haven’t seen me in a while let me know I look well. My eyes seem brighter and less bags around them, so they tell me. Good to know, another small sign, thank you for that.

In the mean time I also try to keep busy around the house. I have been selling off some of my Barbie’s on eBay. The house could be al little lighter as well. All the moving around doesn’t make me tired or sweat, so I feel better just doing my normal chores. I am able to move faster and that feels good as well.

The last month I used a drum solo CD to help with my work out. It has helped and I am still using it. It not as difficult to keep up with, it was before. I know I am making progress when something that was hard isn’t any more.

I only have three more weeks to go on my plan. I have made some great progress and I have lost some weight. After this I will try to keep up with just dancing in the mornings, since I am making it a habit. Having come this far I don’t want to mess it up by going back to old eating habits that got me into this spot in the first place. The things that have helped are a) planning meals b) keep eating salads c) keep using music that inspires me.

I have not had a couch to cheer me on. I have had no one telling me I need to get up and exercise, yet I have been able to do this. Why? I am afraid of having to use insulin in a needle, and I don’t want to be this heavy any more.

Change in the weather

It’s time again for me to get back out in the water, now that all the hot weather is gone and the entire tourist season is over.

I have been out for too long and I get edgy and grumpy when I can’t get back into the water. That’s not fun for my friends and family.

It doesn’t always have to be going off for me to get out there. I just need to feel the cold water around my hands and yes even taste some salt water.

The rest of the time on dry land has been nice now that it is fall again. I love baking and turning on the oven and getting all my cooking done on one afternoon. Also I look forward to snuggling up with my dogs. They always want to get in my lap and watch TV, it’s just hard when it’s really hot and I don’t feel like having my dog pant on me. They don’t seem to ever notice it might be a bother for us humans. Not that they don’t get walks in the summer and love to get out on a cool evening and check out what is going on in the neighborhood.

The pups have had a great time running around the back yard with mom. She teaches them what to bark at and the all follow her around. She sometimes gets tired and gets on top of the picnic table to avoid being trampled by her own pups. They like to run and jump on her; she is patent and nice about it. If they go overboard she lets them know with a little bite or growl. They get the point and stop.

Now that they are all in the house it can get a bit crowded. Not that we mind, it can get difficult when all the dogs want to sit with me, at the same time, since its cooler they help to warm me up.

The chickens are feeling this as well and have been going inside the coop more, at night. During the day they are more comfortable and not as hot, they have been laying eggs more regularly these days. When it’s hot they are too uncomfortable to brew up an egg every day. Too much work when it’s over 100. I can understand that.

After having such hot days, it has been nice to have this change in the weather. Sure I have to bring out the big down comforter, and it’s nice and cozy.

Getting it out there

There are times we have to be quite and listen and other times we need to speak up. One thing that is hard for me to speak up when I need to, I have a tendency to keep things too much to myself.

I just don’t want to complain all the time. I would rather be peaceful; I just have to balance that with speaking up for what I want. There always seems to be one in the family that wants to throw things and the other that wants to collect things.

I have been thinning down my collection of Barbie’s. In the past I have enjoyed them and I love all the outfits. Now, I would rather have the nice outfits than just look at a plastic model show off all her cool outfits and bags.

It would also make me happy to get in and out of all of my rooms in the house and enjoy them. Rather than have all the clutter around. Once I get that done, I don’t want to fill it with and thing else and I need the rest of my family on board.


There are other things I need to get off my chest; I just can’t do it all at once. The one thing I can do is keep working towards my goal of losing weight and being healthier. I have lost two more pounds this week and feel so much better.

I am going to get back out on my surf board, losing all this weight will help me to be better out there. And I will get to relax more and get out of the house. I can’t afford to go out all the time but I can’t stay in all the time either. Low cost outings are the order of the day.

As for the rest, I will get it out in the open and get it off my chest. I need to in order to move on. Otherwise I will just end up holding on to all this toxic mess and that does no one any good. Losing two more pounds does me good, I have to say. Just getting it out there.

Being good

When you are working towards a goal being good means sticking to the plans and keeping your nose to the grindstone.

Why does indulging always feel like you’re being bad? Is it old guilt trips from our parents, or is it our own feelings? It could be a combination of both. It could also be good old fashion American puritanical ideals. That being idea that when we have rich foods or a treat we are being bad.

It’s true we shouldn’t just reward ourselves with calorie laden goodies. If we deny ourselves too much we can end up binging as well. So what is the happy medium? How can we keep up with our goals and reach them, without getting there and then eating up a storm after losing weight.

Keeping active has been the key for me, not that I am obsessed with working out to just burn calories. I have been doing my belly dancing which is fun and makes me feel good. As a great out side benefit I have been losing weight.

We are being good when we make wise food choices and keep active. Once we try to put a lot of labels on it, then it can take away our sprite to keep trying.

Also we need to keep telling our friends when they are doing good and they are ‘being good’ with their goals. If we need to hear it, then so do they. It all helps out.

Have I been good? I have, with keeping active, not gaining any weight back and not binging on treats. Feeling better about my health has been its own reward. Everything else is…..well the icing on the cake. That I’m not eating.

Week 8

Yes, I am right in the middle of my 12 week program. I am counting down to the last week which will be week 1.

In the last few weeks things have been working well. I have been losing an average of two pounds per week. Never being one to whine endlessly, I started this before I told anyone about it.

Being strict with what I eat has not been easy. Some days and this week, I have had to indulge in a few carbs. If I don’t it will bother me too much and I will over indulge later. I made sure to keep the portions low, and not keep eating. Also making sure to keep up with supplements and drinking plenty of water.

The exercise has been coming along well. Already I am used to practicing for upcoming dances. I still have a performance to get ready for, and last week I was able to substitute for my belly dancing teacher when she needed the night off. That was change and gave me a new reason to keep going.

This week the reason to keep going is the countdown to my dance. It will again be at the Coffee Haven in Long Beach on the 27th of this month. For that evening I will be in a different costume that usual. At Cairo Caravan I picked up some new outfits, none of which I have used in an act yet, though I have used some of them in everyday life. It helps to have something different to wear that no one else has. Another challenge for this act will be dancing in heels something I have never done.

With all this it may seem easy to get going and some days it is. Others I really have to push myself to practice before work. In that I am really lucky, I have a job that starts late and I have time to dance and exercise before going into my office.

Keeping up with my routine is not just important for me, but others around me. If I am off my game the office, and the house all suffer. While that is a good thing, it can also seem like I can’t ever just be lazy and just say, “never mind”. It does make it demanding for me. I can honestly say, sometimes I feel like I am drowning in my own schedule, it passes. Once I get through the day and look back at all I was able to get done I feel so much better.

Karl Lagerfeild works so hard “To show the others how worthless they are.”

Working hard has its own rewards; I do not want to show others they are worthless, I just feel it’s better to lead by example. When I’m on my game others around me may be encouraged to do the same.

Keeping up

All my life I have been smaller. I was the smallest one in Kindergarten. It has never bothered me. Sure I need help getting things down off the top shelf at the super market. I have been known to climb up the shelves on occasions.

When it came to running for PE classes, I was a good sprinter, but it was harder for me to keep up with the others. They had longer strides and I never really did well in long distance running. I did run after school to keep my weight down. My mother and sister were always on me about my weight.

My sister is much taller and had a long stride. She would have been great in track and field. It was hard for me to keep up with her when we walked home from school since my legs just didn’t reach that far in one step. People that are taller soon realize, around me smaller steps. Otherwise I’m puffing to keep up with them and it takes me two steps to their one.

With my new exercise routine it’s not easy to keep up all the time. Today I will be teaching a belly dance class. I will be subbing for my teacher and that has helped me to keep going this week, I have been really tired. Yes, I take vitamins and then work out. The two together makes all the difference.

I am doing all this for myself and for my overall health. When I was working hard to please my family it worked for a while. The motivation was really fear, the fear of being called fat and looked down by them. It was too negative to keep up. In the end they were never pleased and I gave up. I would never hear my mother say I looked pretty or slim. She would always say I needed to lose more weight, even at a size 4 she said that.

At my age I have more realistic goals. I will never again be a size 4 and I only got there by hardly eating and it wasn’t healthy. If I can lose enough to be healthy I will be happy. I have old clothes I can almost get back into. That would be great. Keeping up with a healthy life style won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.

Planning

In the next few weeks I am planning on having another performance at Coffee Haven in Long Beach. As it turned out I was able to have a private session with my teacher and friend. She gave me tons of help to smooth out things in my routine.

I was so grateful to have some help. Not one to shy away from help in my dancing. Some never want instruction in their exercise routines and want to do it all themselves. I have found they are also people that never make any progress. I have a friend, I hadn’t talked to her in a year and we had the same conversation as the last year. I like getting correction in my Pilates class, just as I had enjoyed instruction in my ballet classes. She chafed at that kind of direct attention, she was still complaining about not losing weight while I had lost some weight and was feeling better.

I know, she could not see the connection of getting instruction and correction and progress. If she did accept help, maybe she would be doing her exercise correctly and getting the benefit from it. Needless to say, I have not brought up the subject to her since then.

In the last two weeks I have lost 6 pounds, yes I am very proud of that. Most of it had to do with getting ready for my performance last Sunday. I was going a lot of drum solo work, and it really helped to charge up my work out.

In planning for my next dances, I can see the format will not be as rigorous. Still trying to keep my goal in mind, I am still working out with the drum solo CD. The other part is diet. During the past few months I have changed a lot in that department, and just added the faster pace of the dance work out has made a big difference.

Why all this talk of dancing on my Surf blog? I have not made much progress in my surfing since I have been out of shape and very heavy in the middle. The more I loose on dry land the better I will be in the water. It will help me to float better and be more flexible to pop up on my board.

I had a long road to go on when I first started surfing again. Really I should have done all this work first then gotten back on the board. It was a bit premature. After getting out there and being winded I realized just how much work I was going to have to do. Surfing and ballet are things I really love. In order to get back to these activities I need to be much slimmer, which is why I spend all this effort to lose weight.

Sure it may seem like a long detour, but I still know what goal I am working towards. I am still planning on getting back on my board. It’s not all planning, it’s doing.

12 Weeks

In the last year I have talked about my goals to lose weight. I was disappointed that I wasn’t at my goal this summer.

In truth the real spark has been some photo’s I took a while ago. While I have made some progress and belly dancing has helped me so much. The photos seemed to take back all the progress I have made. I did a few things, first: I visited the “Self’ website, they have these great calculators that show you how many calories you can burn with 30 or 60 minutes of some type of exercise. Second: I have my numbers posted in my bathroom at my office.

Rather than complain endlessly about what I look like, I have decided to do something positive about it. The diet part I have changed this summer due to health concerns. If I lose about a pound a week in this program I will be at a healthier weight and not have to be so concerned about diabetes.

Third: I have started a program and will mention it in the coming weeks. This is week 11 of my 12 week program. The goal is to keep exercising 3 to 5 times a week for 12 weeks. I can’t say 7 days, I know I won’t meet that goal.

This first week I have lost two pounds. Not that I have really been trying so hard, it’s just the fun of the drum solo music. All in an effort to be ready for my performance, the program I have put together involves keeping up the routine I have been doing so far. Since I already like it and it should be fun to keep up with.

This summer, with regular exercise and proper diet I feel better and have more energy than I have in years. I haven’t been able to do my Pilates and belly dancing back to back on Monday’s like I used to. It’s just my need to eat on time. I will try to work up to that again.

I have clothes that I will look better in when this is over. Things I have not worn in years, but I like classic styles that don’t go out of fashion. If not now when? I have to make these changes and do them now. I can’t keep going on being lazy like I have been in the past. So here’s to the next 12 weeks!! Updates will follow. ;-)

Beach time

Last Friday I had to go out. I had not been to the beach in a while. There was no surf really to speak of, it was lake Newport. Which was great for beginners and they were out in full force.

Not that I minded, I just needed to feel the cold water on me and relax in the sand for a while. It made my whole day better. I have to have some beach time other wise I will get cranky. No one likes that, it's never fun.

Some don't like the feel of sand and others are afraid of the water and won't go in. I have never understood that and never will. If I had to wait for others to go with me, I wouldn't go but once every 5 years.

When I was little I could have drowned in a pool with my stepmother, she pulled me up. It never scared me, even at the time and it sure didn't stop me from going back in, again and again.

In other areas of my life I need to be a bit more bold. I still don't have a book deal and I need to get my articles out again. Be that as it may, when I need a rest from all the stresses it only means one thing. Beach time.

The Rest

We all are working so hard to keep our heads above water. This year has been so difficult to make ends meet.

My chickens are producing eggs. We haven’t had to buy eggs in over a month. Not all of them have been lying, but most have. It has helped and they taste great. I have been giving a few to my boss/friend and he has been enjoying them as well.

There are other things we have done to cut back; it is getting so difficult to keep this up. We can cover our bills, what about the rest? Going to the movie house, or renting a DVD? Staying home gets to old, and so does eating just the same thing over and over. I know, that’s why they call it a depression.

Things I miss, going to Europe and seeing my friends. Also having friends over for a diner, sometimes we can’t even do that. We have lots of things on Ebay and we have pups for sale. They are 10 weeks old and very healthy. The great thing about them is that they cheer us up. Puppies make everything better.

What happens when you have sold everything you can and cut all the corners you can? Then what, it seems there will be second jobs in the near future. If they will hire us, that has yet to be seen.

In the mean time, I have gone through and gotten rid of a lot of old clothes and things I don’t need any more. I love to purge my closets once a year. I have not does this in a few years. It feels great and now I don’t have to worry about it all, just the things I need. I can forget about the rest.

We don’t have any money for anything extra, so I don’t even ask. The few outings we do get to do, I have to savor. They are far and few in between, so forget about places to take out the nice clothes. They will have to wait for a while, as will I.

That’s okay, we have to be content with what we have and forget about the rest. It’s just not going to happen. Not for a while anyway. There is always hope things will turn around and if they don’t we have to make it happen.

Bike

I have a beach cruiser bike that I have not used in a year. Yes, I said it. We got these bikes a few years ago and have only used them here and there.

When we had some property in the beach area we were able to use them and go to a local pub and around town. That is not the only time we used them, we took them to the park once and did a day trip to the beach with them and another couple.

It’s not that we don’t have the time, we don’t make the time. We really need to get out of the house more often. We sit in offices and then sit at the house. That is way too much sitting down.

For a change we took our bikes into our down town area and got some ice cream after dinner. It only took us about 10 minutes and it was nice and cool. Since I am short I forgot that sitting on the bike makes me a bit higher. It makes for a different perspective.

The ride into down town, I took it easy. Yes, riding a bike is something you never forget; I just needed to get used to it again. There were lots of other bikers out all evening. I had no idea, but I have been inside in the evenings.

Besides getting an ice-cream we walked around the down town area and checked out some of the shops and all. There is a running theme in my town, tattoos. There are about 5 or 6 in a few blocks. I hadn’t realized how many were around. I have to say I am surprised that enough people still have money to spend.

On the ride home and I rode a little faster. For one reason, to increase my heart rate and the other, my inner child was telling me to get home before dark. Also for safety reasons, I don’t have any lights on my bike. There was a nice breeze and it felt good to get out and about. One of the nice things about summer; that it is comfortable enough to be outdoors and even though it is the end of July, I need to spend more time on my bike and doing other things to get out of the house.

I feel like I’m getting cabin fever from being home too much. That is something I need to change. Part of that has been because of my pups, now they are old enough for me not to worry so much about them. Soon it will be time to take them on walks, good thing they will be with their new families by then. Sure I can’t afford a vacation, so it’s time to be creative in finding relief from the everyday.

Break

In this heat we all need a break. A lot of us go to the beach, this past Monday I did. There was no break from the heat, and even though it was over cast, it was still hot and I got my first sunburn of the summer.

Not that I minded, since I needed a break from my pups and chickens. We all need a break from work and family. As long as it refreshes and keeps us sane. Some take too long of a break and they end up being lazy. Some never work hard enough to need a break.

On that afternoon I was able to walk along the shore, get cooled off in the water. Also I took some time to read and listen to my ipod. A great way to drown out the kids screaming, by the way. For that time I didn't need to help or cook or clean, just relax. Once we get that break we can face the rest of it.

As long as we pull up or socks the rest of the time and really get things done. It should not be an excuse to keep relaxing and keep laying around. There are so many things I want to accomplish and I know its not going to happen if I don't work at it. I can't expect to do one big thing and then never have to work again. Or just sell one book and surf the rest of my life.

Now is not the time to quite life. A break is just that, something to break up the normal routine and get your mind together. There is a time when you need to get back to the chores and mail and bills.

Since I am not longer a child and I don't have three months off a year, a break is all I can afford. I will however, have a lot of things I can look back at and say, "I was able to do all that" and no one can take that away from me.

Summer

There are a few things I enjoy to do during the summer. There is a farmer’s market and beer garden in my hometown, it’s only open during the spring and summer months. We get fresh veggies and then spend some time with friends and have a few beers. There are also a few vendors with food; I have been getting the chicken and mushroom crepes.

This weekend marks my return to see the Pacific Symphony Orchestra. We get tickets every summer season. We take a picnic dinner and wine and enjoy ourselves in the evenings. Our friends are going to meet with us this Saturday and we can have dinner together before the concert starts. We always get the same seats and it’s so much fun and relaxing. I haven’t spent too much time with my friends, so it will be a real treat this weekend.

I have not been to the beach in a while and I need to go soon. The pups will soon have new homes to go to and I won’t have to be picking up after them. I love my pups and they are great, they do have the tendency to keep me home for a while. Not that it is the same thing as having children, so I can’t complain too much.

There are things I don’t like about the summer, my boss/friend gets grumpy working in the heat and it’s not a good time for him. When it’s really hot, I end up running to Sonic a lot and getting lime aids, it really helps. We have the A/C on and drink lots of water, but there is only so much we can do. Sometimes you just have to stop of a minute and cool down. Most of my entertaining happens during the summer, since I don’t have a big dining room. Summer also means BBQ and having friends over for dinner.

Another friend loves the heat. Of course they are very slender and it doesn’t affect them the same way it does when you are heavy. It can just be a matter of using tons of baby powder and showering more. I end up doing a lot more laundry during the summer. There is no way to make things last more than one wearing.

I can’t wear the same clothes I do in winter, my nice dressy things. They are just too hot it makes me long for the fall. Not that I am in a hurry to have it be cool, I just want to enjoy the beach a bit more, before it’s so cold and I have to take off my wet suit while the wind whips my behind. Till then, I will enjoy nice long summer nights and my favorite pass times.

Positive

There are many things that can keep us positive during these difficult times. We have to stop and count our blessings as it was. Sure things are much more difficult than they were last year. What have we done to help ourselves in the mean time?

I have been raising chickens and have gotten a few eggs from them. The last few days they have not laid anything. It maybe they are too tired from the heat. One chicken Champers has been really needy and she wants me to pick her up and carry her around when I am in the coop area. Checking up on them is fun and they don’t really do much, but cluck and hang out and wait for when I am around and I pet them.

Sure it can seem dull to stay home all the time. In the last few months I bought extra sparkling wine and then used it the other night when I had a few friends over. The rest of the time I have been having simple meals and been making bean and cheese burritos for lunches not all my dining is so nice.

My dog had pups and they are so happy and cute. They have no idea we are going through hardships and they just play and lick us and help to keep our spirits high. When all that fails and if you don’t have new chickens or pups, there is nothing like prayer or meditation to help us feel better. It has been noted that prayer slows down our breathing, lowers heart rate and helps us get more oxygen and that helps to calm us down. What if you don’t pray or believe in God? Then think to yourself, will a belief in evolution and science help to heal my heart when I am feeling low?

If we can’t help others what good are we? In these troubled times it’s all about networking and helping each other to survive. In the last few weeks I have been on an active campaign to help my business thrive as well as those of my friends. The positive energy it takes to help others and help ourselves comes back to us in unexpected ways. The way we find that out is to keep busy and see how things work out. Don’t give up five minutes before the miracle can happen.

Exercise helps as well, as stress relief and it’s been documented that it helps our minds make the transition, not matter what is thrown our way. Yes there are lots of things that can keep us positive during these stressful times. One last thing, take some time to wind down and be alone on the shore of the beach or pools side. Hydrotherapy can be beneficial as well.

Dreams

I have always loved my dreams. They say we have 30-40 dreams a night. Most are not remembered. We usually only remember the ones just before we wake, if at all. Some people will try to make the statement. “I don’t have any dreams.” Nonsense, you may not be able to remember them, but we all have them.

Recently I have been having travel dreams. It’s been fun; I have been to China, India, Europe and South America all in my dreams. I figure I have a lot of travel yet to do in this lifetime. In my dream to China was I was shopping with a friend and picking out silk robes to take home.

When I was in 8th grade I had a great geography teacher. What was so great is that she had been to these places. They were not some spot on a globe they were stories, adventures and costumes. She would collect native costumes of the places she visited, if we were good at the end of the semester we could try on one of the outfits. I had my eye on her Sari, and made sure to be extra good, in the end I was able to have first pick and I was able to get into the Sari. Since then I have made it a goal to have one of my own.

I had always loved looking at the globe and thinking about the different places and what it must be like to be there. In my younger years I watched a lot of National Geographic shows and saw some of the places on TV. It’s so much better to go and see for myself. I have not been to all the places I want to go to, yet. I have no idea how some people cane see these things on TV and not want to get up and go for themselves. I want to see these things for myself and have my own stories to tell. It makes life so much more interesting.


Lately I have not had the funds to travel and I think the open road and skies are calling me. Wanting me to go on adventures and see things for myself. I feel that’s why I am having all these travel dreams. For now I will have to take the journey in my mind. Later I will be able to hit the trails. Not that lack of money or time will stop me from dreaming big of adventures to be had places to discover or Sari’s to be found.

Active

As a young child I was not always that active. I was ill a good part of the time and used to sit and read. I still enjoy reading and I am grateful for this gift in life. I don’t know what I would do without having reading material around me at all times.

The memories I have of running around on summer nights with other children include the sound of me wheezing, not that fun. My sister took to all sports like a duck to water and was praised for that. Though in her lifetime she could have used more time studying and learning more, she is still very active and keeps to a strict routine of exercise.

My father played sports and was very active in little league football and softball teams. I dare say he must have emotionally scared quite a few kids while he was coach. He was nice kind, and if I had lived with him I would have been forced to join some sports team. I don’t know if I would have liked that, I have never enjoyed baseball or soccer.

As I got older I asked to take ballet lessons which I really enjoyed. I took a class again a few years ago. Alas I was so out of shape it was not enjoyable. To get back to that class I have taken Pilates and now belly dancing and surfing, yes I have a lot to lose.

The activities I have taken have been things that I find interesting and fun. If I didn’t chose things like this, I would not stick with it. It took me a long time to get back to surfing and I am so glad that I did.

One of the things I did do well as a child, swimming. I have always loved the water and even thought I almost drown when I was learning to swim that never held me back from keeping with it. My favorite memories of growing up include long days at the pool or beach. I always had something to read as well, that way I could relax with a good book after swimming. Something I still do. I have to bring something to read with me for after surfing. That is the best, resting in the sand with a good book.

As I get older and health concerns come up, being active will be more important. It always is and I am glad I have been more active these last few years. One thing I can count on is that; come what may I will get back on my board and surf again. The ocean is still there for me to use.

Show time

I have been working on new routine for one of my classes. It has been fun and I was greatly inspired after attending a belly dance event last weekend. It was the Cairo Caravan and it was at the Queen Mary in Long Beach. They must be actively asking people to hold their events there, since the dog show I will go to this weekend will be held there as well.


It was great to see woman that I have performed with or have been at my class attending. I didn’t get a chance to see my teacher’s performance. I was too busy shopping. I had not expected it to me on three floors and so many vendors. It’s not that I haven’t seen her perform before; I just like to be there for support. We did see her afterward and talked, so that was fun.

The rest of the time I could see the different dancers, some of which kept their customs on the whole time. Others changed back into street clothes. I was able to meet and make a new friend that designs some great underpinnings as well as hats and tap pants. Can’t wait to get some things from her!

It’s fun to watch the groomers getting the dogs ready to show. It’s not that different. Not that I am saying the women are like dogs, it’s just that you can see the dogs get an attitude just before its show time. They know they are ready to go into the ring and its show time. Just like any performer, they stand in the wings and take a deep breath before the show is going to start.

This next routine I will showcase in front of my girl friends at my house. I don’t need to have a big show with this one. This is just for fun.

As I mentioned I will be at a dog show, with the Scottish Terriers, we are loyal to our breed. It’s hard to believe it’s already a year and time for this show again. The best terriers in the country will be there. As well as some of the A-list handlers, and of course breeders, it’s show time!

Personality

My dog Middy had pups. It has been great to see their personalities. Just like the chickens we have, who are so individual. Jamima the chicken likes to peck on the water bucket. I don’t know why, she must think its fun. Has browns, the chicken is really uppity and likes to get on top of the coop and say ‘hi’ to me.

Champers, the chicken squawked at me a lot the other day. That was until I picked up her and held her for a while then she felt better. We have put out some hay for them to play with. Their combs and waddles are getting redder, a sign they will soon be ready to lay eggs. Toast and Sunny are both pretty shy chickens. They all scream when I go to pet them. I am always careful with them and pet them on their backs; I’m not hurting them in the least bit. But after all they are chickens. They are now used to the watering can I bring into their coop area, before they used to run away from that.

Back to the pups, who are a lot like their mother. One boy licks us and puts his paw on us to hold is there while he licks our chins. Just like his mother. They all hold our fingers tightly with their front paws; their mother does that as well. Middy holds our hands so we will keep scratching her chest. Another boy lifts his head up when I pet him, like his father does. Our white girl pup is so spunky. It’s fun to play with her. She has such a great personality.

I really didn’t think the chickens would be that different. When you see photos of them in a row, a whole bunch of them together, they seem to all be the same. At the same time I have named them after food and I don’t place my animals in the same place as people. I take care of them and love them. I am raising the chickens for eggs and when they are older I do plan to roast them up with some potatoes. It’s not any different from how tons of farmers take care of things and live.

The chickens have an area to themselves, where they can eat drink, walk around and rest. They also have a perch they like to sleep on at night.

The pups are still in the whelping box with their mother. Their eyes are open and they are figuring out who has been holding them this whole time. They can also see better to get fed now, not that they were lacking before. In all it’s been a pleasure to get to know all of these creatures and their personalities, they are all packed with that.

Music

There are different songs that I listen to for different occasions’. When I want to mellow out and write a lot of times I will put on some Jazz. It does help my moods. If I listen to Amy Winehouse, I never want to get involved with men and it seems better to just be alone. You’re going to get hurt and cry, so just go surfing by yourself and forget relationships.

Before I go out on my board I will play a lot of KMK. They are so joyful and they start their albums so triumphant. It makes me feel like I can do anything. They are such a pick me up. When I drive away after a good session I blast them down the street. I like to think of it as my signature sound, but I doubt anyone notices.

I have been listening to music for my belly dance routine. I don’t use just Persian or typical belly dancing music. I like to use things that make me want to move. So I end up just playing my favorite songs. This makes me try to put a belly dance routine to everything I hear. The bad part is when I am driving and listening to music, at the same time working up a dance to the song. I end up driving slower than I should, it’s not like get into recks. Not that my fellow drivers really appreciate that I am working on my dancing while I drive.

It gets distracting, even as I write this with my ipod on. I can see a dance being put together to Lady Ga Ga or whatever. I can’t help myself. I have always loved to dance and I have found a type of dance that doesn’t require a partner.

That is another thing I love about surfing as well. You don’t need people to go with you. It’s not a bad thing to have some alone time. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your family, and now that I have done it for a while, I understand men better. They need time alone to deal with needy women and the bills and then just try to have some fun once in a while. For some couples that surf together it helps them be closer. Although it’s not necessary, we don’t have to be in each other pockets every minute, do we?

While it’s not good if someone surf’s everyday and the family suffers. It can be considerate to let one person do their thing and leave them alone for a bit. There are so many other times when we have their attention and we give them ours. We all need time to be alone, relax and listen to music.

Life

This weekend I was able to see my dog have a litter of puppies. Is there anything better than baby animals?

Since then I am looking after the mother, pups and my chickens. Quite a bit going on. But that's life, as they say.Not to mention the garage sale I am having...is there anything more? Oh yes, practice for my up coming dance. Let's see if I make it through the weekend.

In the last few day I don't know how many loads of towels I have done or bowls of water I have filled.

With all that and I have to remember to take care of myself as well. I won't get a manicure or pedicure this weekend. I do have a DR appointment on Monday.

The truth is I have to dash....and get on with it!

Complain

The most boring conversation is people complaining about the weather. It has to be the all time dull thing to talk about. To mention the weather or talk about how much you are enjoying the warm or cold weather is fine.

Most of the time I try to stay up beat and not complain, sometimes I just can’t help myself and I have to talk about things that are bothering me. The reason I try to keep this to a minimum is from living with my mother. She never stopped complaining about everything and it was really boring.


I have to say that my tolerance for others to complain it not very high. After a while I have to stop them and try to bring up something good. Otherwise we can all go on a complain fest that will never end.

There are people I know I can’t talk to very long, since I have to hear the same complaints from them I did a year ago, and I can’t take it to have the same conversation all over again. My one friend talks to me about the same things as she did ten years ago. Should she go to school to learn to cut hair? Are there any apartments around me that are for rent, and do I know of them? Since she didn’t go to school ten years ago when she should have I don’t think she ever will. Since I am a homeowner I don’t look for rentals anymore. I don’t answer her calls; I just can’t have the same conversation for ten years running.

I still care about her, I hope she does well. It’s just that I can’t keep saying the same things. Ten years ago I encouraged her to go back to school and I always tell her the same thing. Drive around areas you want to live in and see if there are places for rent. Do I have to say that again? It’s not my fault that she has never taken the opportunity to improve herself; just like it wasn’t my fault that my mother had two marriages end in divorce. If I have to hear either one of those conversations I will feel like pulling out my hair.

Complaining works for a short time. Yes we can’t keep everything bottled up. It’s just that we have to leave some things and move on. Really, you are going to tell me year after year that you hate exercise and are still overweight? I can’t take it.

Whatever our complaints are, we have to ask ourselves. What am I going to do to change it? How can I make things better? If I can’t make it better, can I let it go? I know there are things I need to let go.

Mom’s day

I was out in the water this last Sunday. I didn’t think about the fact that it was mother’s day. Most of the men were taking their wives, mothers and grandmothers out to breakfast.

The good part of that, I had the whole section to myself. I could take my time and not be in anyone’s way. There were about 10 guys in the section next to me. On the beach there were a few couples around me. But not that many, it was still cool and not that sunny.

I was able to see a pod of dolphins pass by, about 5 or 6 of them. They looked black and sleek and so peaceful. It was still cool, like in the winter. When I was trying to dry off, the sun was still not coming out and it was a bit windy. I stayed as long as I could stand it, then it was time to go get some breakfast. Since I was by myself I just went to the counter.

It was great to get out and all this before the summer really kicks off and all the tourists and crowd shows up. The sand was still cold and so was the water, just how I like it. I got a taste of salt water, not too much, just enough to be fun.

I’m not one for going along with the crowd and participating in forced giving. Even if I did, some mothers are not worthy of all that attention. Not when they want that every day, in the first place. I have mentioned before my mother is not one of those great, self sacrificing mothers. She is not one to do without so others could have something. In fact I think that is why I went through a lot of baby sitters. I think she planned on my father’s payments of child support to pay them. Of course he was not faithful in his payments. She didn’t make enough to cover both and then the baby sitters would get mad and not sit us, because she didn’t pay them.

Oh well that is all in the past. It’s just that as an adult I have thought a lot about how things must have really been. Especially for other adults to deal with her, they must have had a hard time. It’s not easy even now, she still tries to act like she is a hip teenager and use slang.

As I get older and don’t look like it, I wonder if I am going to end up the same way? I hope not, I want to grow old gracefully and not trying to act younger than I am. I like to stay current with music and movies so I am living in the past. In the way I am trying to strike a balance. As for my clothes, I don’t try to dress like a teenager, but neither do I dress matronly.

The day was for Mom’s, for me it was just another surf day. It was time to visit the ocean and it was perfect. Just what I needed a relaxing morning.

Board Makes All the Difference

While I was getting back into surfing my friend lent me his board. It was made for him and since I hadn’t been on one in years I didn’t notice how ill fitted it was for me. He is much slimmer than I and it did not float me as well as it could have.

After struggling with that board for over a year, I broke down and got my own. It has been so much easier to ride and I love it. Funnily enough, that same friend asked to borrow my board this week.

It is a 9’6” and had bigger rails then his. It did make a difference and he was able to catch waves much more easily with my board. He had a great time on Wednesday and even tried out someone else’s paddle board.

Another friend, that we have in common teased me that it was his board now. Not so I have already asked for it back. I won’t be able to go out on Friday but I will be out on Sunday instead. I have been out of my routine and it’s not good.

In the last few months I have been concentrating on my dancing. This has been great. All of my dancing is to help me loose weight so I will be better on my surfboard. It’s time to see if my hard work has paid off.

Not to be stingy with my board, I was happy to lend it to him. It’s just that I do use it. The water is getting a bit warmer. I was in fact planning of having some time alone next week and was going to use it to surf, write then surf again. Now that my plans have changed, I still want to surf.

Since I do have a nice big board, others that are learning might need to use it for a practice. I guess I will share, till they have the money to get their own board. Already there have been requests.

It’s not the sharing part; it’s going to surfing with other people. I really treasure the time I have to myself out on the ocean. That is my time to recharge my batteries. Sure I will go with a group from time to time. But not always, sorry boys, that’s my time. I am grateful I have the right board to do this with. It makes all the difference. ;-)

Pirates

In following my passions I end up going back to dancing. There was a belly-dancing event this past weekend that I attended. It was held in Glendale. Some that live on Orange County don’t like to drive too far for events. I have no idea why. I don’t mind the travel time and I don’t complain about traffic. I mean at least I got to get out of the house, it was worth it.

One of the things I like about doing belly dancing is that it’s an excuse to dress up. Like most girls I liked to dress up when I was younger. There are not many opportunities to do so as an adult. There are the occasional costume parties, but outside of that, nothing.

This weekend I was able to get more outfits for my dancing and one of them was my sword for balancing on my head. There is also a cane for dancing and a feather for my hair. With all that, my living room looks like a group of Pirates were there and left some of their booty behind. I feel like I am giving Captain Jack Sparrow a run for his money. I guess I would need some thigh high boots for that. Not a bad idea, that.

I don’t ever want to lose my sense of adventure and wonder of this world. I have a lot of travel I still want to do and many places I want to see and experience. When we think of pirates, we don’t think of them so much as the criminals they were. We think of getting out on the ocean and going wherever the wind takes us.

Of course with the passing of time, anything can sound romantic and we sort of like that. The truth was it was a difficult existence. Much like modern pirates, I have a friend who was an engineer on cargo ships, his biggest fear was pirates. There has been a lot on the news of pirates in Africa.

Real fears notwithstanding, the pirates that live in our heads are fun. They represent adventure and wanderlust, bucking the system and striking out on our own. For that reason alone we keep them in works of film, books and in our imagination.

If that is what it takes to keep our spirits high and sense of adventure alive then isn’t that a help? So to the pirates that lives on in my head, “Have some more grog and let’s set sail!” Aye, Aye.

Float

For fishing we need floats. This last Sunday with the heat it was great to have a root beer float. The body float, which is why you should not panic in the water. If you relax your body, it will float to the top. Like a rubber ducky or a bar of soap.

I love lying on my board and floating for a minute after paddling out. There is something so peaceful about it. I love looking up and down the coast and the grey clouds above. A lot of people only like to see the ocean when it is clear sky’s but that’s when all the tourist are around. I hate that summer is coming and I will have to share my ocean with way too many people.

Today is cloudy and I would love to be on my board right now and smell the ocean in my noise and well taste it as well. Not a lot, just a bit, I haven’t been out and it’s making me edgy.

The ocean is so much a part of my life. Its’ like a friend I haven’t seen in a while and I miss them terribly. In real life I have had some problems with my friends. I think they should be over it, but they are not. The some with others I am not over it. In all we can’t rush each other. The ocean can slap you if you don’t respect it well enough. I have to be respecting of others and leave them alone, if they need more time they can have it.

It’s difficult and sometimes all the “I’m sorry” in the world don’t make it better. Even if people say they accept your apology sometimes they really don’t. Sure you can tell since they stop calling and don’t so much as text message you, “How are you doing?”

I know I get obsessive and I want to talk to people all the time. While I let others heal I am in withdrawal of communication. The bad part is that I said I would leave them alone. This means I can’t even tell them how much I miss them and hope they are okay.

With other friends they are always there, and while I am getting over things, they are the ones that hurt me and I can’t talk to them about them. What to do?

When things get this stressed I just want to run away. I want to be a child and cry and say it’s not fair, and throw a temper tantrum. Of course that would not help anything and so I don’t do that. Instead I get up on a cloudy day really early, strap on my board and go visit another friend. The one that tells me its okay to just float for a while and it will be okay.

Past due

I can say that so far 2009 is not great. It’s only April and with the economy where it is, yeah, not a great year. The idea of bills being past due is on everyone’s mind. Taxes where due the other day and if you didn’t get them done, they are now past due. In the last few months we have seen our friends lose their jobs and people are losing their homes, not great.

My dogs have been waiting to go to the groomers. They were able to go yesterday. They look forward to it and look great afterwards, and they know it. Gwennie was quite happy and demanded extra attention to be paid her. My man didn’t get to her soon enough and she turned her back to him and let out a sigh, followed by her walking to another room in disgust. Middy was happy to be all cleaned up. She should be expecting and I know her pups will see her and think, “What a pretty mom I have”.

Haggis, our male was happy and smiling when he came out of the shop, with his little bandanna on. He seems to smile and pose when he gets home from the groomers. It was a little hard to drive them all home. They kept looking out the windows and bouncing around, as if to show off their new haircuts. I felt bad I had not been able to take them sooner, yes they were past due.

I have been waiting to get a new tribal bra to go with my outfit for my belly dance performance. I have a dance coming up this Sunday, and I am not able to borrow the one I wanted to. Of course next weekend is a huge belly dance event and I have been saving money so I can get in on some discounts. Isn’t that just the way? In the mean time I will use another beaded bra as a stopgap this Sunday. I just can’t justify buying something new a week before the Raqs LA show. Since I have had to borrow a top, my getting a new one is past due.

For my writing I have been thinking about platform, something that is usually talked about in non-fiction. The idea that if you want to write and be an expert on something, you should be famous already. Otherwise no one will publish your book. You could have great tips on playing golf, but if you are not Tiger Woods, no one will buy your book.

Since there has been great change in readership and traditional publishing, its past due to think outside the box. The thing that I am thinking is, what can I do to show that I will be able to sell my book once it is published? How can I build a platform even though my project is fiction?

I think I will work on that in the coming months. A turn around on this year is past due.

Projects

We all have home projects that we try to work on from time to time. It maybe gardening, even if it means a window box or other planter on an apartment patio. There is always the cleaning of the garage.

For me it is the chickens and soon puppies. I have been cleaning out each room one by one, I still have to do my own. That is the hardest part. I need to throw out things that I don’t use or styles that have run their course, or just don’t fit. It feels great to purge my closets every once in a while.

My belly dancing has taken priority over my surfing in the last few months. In the end it all works together, if I slim down my midsection then I can be better on my board. When I go out to the beach then I can feel better about myself and feel calmed down again. The better I feel the better my writing will be. What’s funny is that even if I am in a bad mood and start to journal about it, since I am writing and that makes me happy; in the end my writing reaches a positive note.

When I get blocked in my writing or dancing, the solution is to do what I love. They are one and the same, so I stop writing what I have to and write for fun. If I am thinking too hard about my dance number and getting bogged down, I dance to another song just for fun and then go back to the number I am practicing.


All the projects help me feel a sense of accomplishment that I lack in other aspects of my life. While I have been getting some articles published, it’s my book project that hasn’t taken off as of yet. Instead of just waiting for a miracle to happen I do what I can to keep busy and be productive in my life.

I mention my projects to my friends not as a way to brag but so they are aware and I can’t just drop the ball without being accountable. It’s true my lack of attention to my surfing is going to show up the next time I go out, but so will the lightness I will feel being on the board and not being as heavy as I have been in the past. It’s still on my list of projects I am working on.

Confidence

There are times we have to keep things in confidence. There are thoughts we have to keep to ourselves. We really can’t be that frank and open with each other. No one wants to hear that they laugh like a witch and people think they are dull.

Even with close friends there are things you can’t tell each other, like your teeth are really yellow and maybe you should get them bleached. Sometimes we have to tell each other things, like your zipper is down or you have a piece of salad in-between your teeth.

Still other things can never be said. Such as, the girl you’re dating is stupid, ugly and a real witch. Nor can we say that our employer is a jerk and totally unreasonable. We can’t tell women, it’s not the outfit; it’s themselves that are fat.

When we find out things about each other we need to keep it to ourselves as well. Gossip destroys others good name. Is it really worth it to make yourself look a bit better by letting go of something you know about someone? Is it even true? Even it is do you have the right to ruin someone else? They don’t have the right to do that to you or viscera.

The fact of the matter is, it doesn’t do any of us any good to find out someone else did something wrong. It does not enrich our lives or makes our day any better. If you find out something bad does it make you a better person? Not at all, of course there are certain magazines and news programs that would die out if the learned this lesson.


Really, if we take care of our own families and our own business, isn’t that enough? If nothing else I can clean the house and feel like I did one good thing for the day. I make mistakes and I am not always good. If I can at least do one good thing, then I can sleep at night. It can help me have to confidence to face the next day.

Dreams

In one installment of the Simpson’s a young boy, Ralph is told by the teacher to take a nap. He says, “Oh boy sleep, that’s where I’m a Viking!”

It’s that the same for all of us? We can fly or be a different person, bolder than we would normally be. In a few recent dreams I got a bunch of tattoos on my hands, neck and chest. Exactly the places I would never get a tattoo.

I also saved the day when a fellow work mate ordered up a film crew to his shop and then promptly took off without letting anyone know where he was going. I was called along with my co-worker Chris and we had to go save the day.

In the goals that I try to reach out for I get very upset when things don’t come together as fast or the way the way that I want them to. It could be from a lifetime of TV viewing and wanting things to get wrapped up in a half-hour. Or it could be my own ego wanting things go be just so. Sure there are things we can’t control, and it still sticks.

The book project I have been working on is about making a success out of failure. It has been difficult to keep positive about the whole process. Ironically the book is about some one that is trying to make a positive out of a negative situation. To finish this project I had to do that by keeping the thought, “No matter how bad these jobs are, I can use them for material in the book.”

That way of thinking has got me through a lot of bad times. And even now, getting a rejection letter from an agent and my husband is sick and we have to go on a road trip that we don’t want to go on. I want to cry and wallow in self pity…….and then I think, I could use this in another story. I want to even push that out of my head so I can whine more, but then, I really can’t. I have to go on and I really want to see my book published and I have to keep going to see it through.

The bummer thing is that I am going inland for my trip and I would rather go to the beach. I want to lie in the sand and hear the ocean next to me. I really need to get back out into the water; it will make me feel better. I dream of the waves pounding on the Hawaiian shore and the blue waters and it cheers me up. I have a dream of attending my book party and I don’t want to miss that. Yes I still have dreams and goals I want to see come to fruition.

Cheap Seats

In these hard times, we need little pick me ups. Anything on discount and free are the things I am looking for. Most of the theater groups and orchestras’ are giving out discounted performances. Also there are a lot of events at South Coast Plaza that have free drinks and eats.

We were able to see a musical recently since there was a discount on some of the seats. They called it their “economic stimulus rates”. Keep an eye out for such discounts and ask for them. FedEx Kinko’s gave out free resumes the other day.

If you have any cash left store closings or moving can be a godsend. With Circuit City going out of business people can get new flat screens at dirty cheap prices. The shop where I get my corsets is having a moving sale and I hope to get in on some good deals this Friday.

We recently found a nice seafood restaurant that has reasonable prices all the time on dinners. It was about 50.00 for two, with wine and dessert. It’s The Seafarer Inn located in Whitter on Whittier blvd. It is mostly an older crowd but they do have good scallops and nice calamari. I know these prices still are not cheap for everyone, I just use them as a example.

If we don’t look a little harder and find these discounts, we end up staying home all the time and that can just get depressing. Sure I have my chickens that will start laying eggs by the summer and my dogs. But they are only entertaining for so much.

We are also going to see Lady Ga Ga in San Diego this week. Her tickets were hard to come by and some people on Ebay and Craig’s list were holding out for a lot of money. That’s great but if they hold to them for too long, you are going to get stuck with tickets you didn’t use. People just don’t have money to be spending tons on concerts.

We have been getting season tickets for the Pacific Symphony Orchestra every summer. This year we are going to have to cut back to only a few seats. We have hosted a lot of our friends over the years but we just can’t do it this year. I am so glad we had a big group for the last performance last summer. We didn’t know that it would be so different for us this year.

Things I am grateful in these hard times, being able to borrow a top for my belly dancing performance. The fact that I can invite my friends to a place that doesn’t have a cover charge, it makes it easier to advertise. I have my croc pot to fill up with beans and eat for a while. I am also not too proud to get the cheap seats. Sure they might be in the back, but I have been buying nice things to wear over the years and I can still look decent, no matter where I sit.

Right now

I have not been able to go out the beach with all this rain. I do take care and I don’t go out after a rain storm, too dirty. It has also been cold and I would need my booties as well. Not that much fun to surf like that, but it can be done.

In the mean time I have been raising my chicks and they are getting bigger every day. It true I need to pay attention to them right now. For exercise I have been keeping up with my dancing and I have an upcoming performance March 8th at Coffee Haven in Long Beach. There will be another date April 19th. They are both Sundays and there is no cover charge.

The bad thing is that I haven’t had the time to myself I usually do. Time to clear my head and be alone for a while; right now I am just doing things for everyone else. It’s not that I don’t normally it’s just that I usually get a break. With no break in sight it makes me ants-y.

Right now I have too much time to worry about everything and everyone. I am getting a bit stir-crazy. I miss the taste of salt water and the smell of the ocean as soon as I get to the beach. With the windows rolled down just so I can smell it.

There has been a lot on my plate and a lot to worry about. Times are tough and not getting that much better. The only plain I have is to be more frugal therefore I get some laying hens. The dancing is to get myself some tip money and keep dancing so I lose weight. I don’t want to gain anything and then once its clear get back on my board and just about sink it.

The great thing about all the rain is that my lettuce and tomatoes are growing. As well as my flowers, in the next month or so I should have a good head start to my summer garden.

Yesterday I was stuck in my writing and had to take a walk around the block just to clear my head. I hadn’t slept well either and that hadn’t helped. The thing that was bothering me the most was really being cooped up so much. I did get to go to a show and a reading last week, so it’s not that I have been staying home. I just needed to get some fresh air. Those things are fun but they are city things. I really like being in the water and doing something good for myself. Sometimes I need to go to museums and shows. I also need to get into the water and that’s what is missing right now.

Too Much

In an effort to be an interesting person, this has led me to take on different projects; such as my belly dancing, surfing, and raising my dogs and now my chickens.

It’s true I have a lot on my plate and usually do. Why not? I don’t want to be lazy and I don’t have children to pick up from school or take to the dentist, or buy Jonas Brother’s trapper-keepers or Hanna Montana DVD’s. I do rest and watch an inordinate amount of movies. I enjoy scripted comedies instead of reality shows. I feel a duty to support my fellow writers that work hard on scripts and screenplays rather than watch d-list celebs have a group therapy session.

In an effort to not be like my mother, I have tried to listen to people rather than do all the talking or expecting to be the center of attention at all times. I have also made an effort to be supportive of the men in my life, something my mother did not do. I have also made an effort to be generous; my mother always had her hand out. I also know that we all need down time and need to be alone or with other friends and not always with me. There is also a need to tell people from time to time that you think they are fabulous, if you really feel it and I have done that.

In truth I just don’t want to be boring and when I open my mouth and have something interesting to say. I like surprising my friends by announcing I am going to get laying hens and then getting them. I want to be a doer, not a talker, like so many others.

The question that comes up is this. Is it too much and do I end up sounding like a know-it-all windbag? Is it too overwhelming for others to be around me? In my effort to not be like my mother, am I indeed turning out like her and wanting all the attention? Okay more than one question.

One thing I don’t want is for it to be a chore to be around me. I don’t want people to keep trying to find ways to shut me up. If we do this maybe she will be quiet, shut up, and settle down. Is it really that bad for me to be so passionate?

I guess it is something I need to work on. Not being over bearing and I need to dial back on telling everyone, everything that I am doing. I don’t know exactly how I am going to do that, I suppose being quite more often. Why should I come to this conclusion? I find myself by myself more and more. The ironic thing is that when I am by myself I keep busy and do interesting things so I can tell my friends later. Of course I could be just a hopeless case and it will have to be too much after all. ???

Pathetic

All of us have to deal with ups and downs in relationships. Be it boyfriends, girlfriend’s husbands and wives. Sometimes we get to spot where we really have to look long and hard at what we are doing to ourselves and each other.

With my family, my mother and sister I got to a point where I could no longer around them since it was such a toxic relationship. After all the years of them being mean to me it was not going to get any better, so for my personal growth I had to get away from them. Some still stay around toxic parents claiming it’s to honor the family bond, but if they are horrid to you, aren’t you just being pathetic and letting yourself get hurt over and over?

The good thing about boyfriends and girlfriends, they can break up and go their separate ways and not waste time hurting each other over again. I just had a friend leave his girlfriend that was horrid to him. She was a psycho woman that broke up with him every month. Another in a long line of psycho girls, he has only ever dated one woman, his mother. Also a psycho and it always ends badly just like with her. In a way it’s what he wants since he doesn’t want to get married or have children. Will the next girl be different? Doubtful, it does make getting back together with the last one pathetic.

In a marriage you have made a vow to be together for better or for worse. With that kind of commitment, when does bad behavior and tolerating it become pathetic? People try to work it out and that is to be admired since they did take that vow. We all have to come to our own conclusion. Is it just working things out, is it being supportive or is it just getting hurt all over again? We all have to come to a point where we pull up our heads and decide not to be a victim. No one can tell us when we need to do that. It is easy to see others bad patterns and not our own.

We see our friends suffer and the only thing we can do is be supportive. We may know exactly what is going to happen next. We want to grab them before the walk off the bridge and hold their arm; only we have to let them see it themselves. It’s so hard to be there for them when we see them go head long into certain doom. All we can do is to be there for them later, when they need us.

Each one of us has to look at our lives for ourselves. As much as we want to tell our friends not to be with this or that person, we can’t tell them what to do. It is never received well if we just tell them. At least when it’s all over with we can have a good laugh at ourselves. What was that anyway? I don’t know that was all you! We are all looking for someone to care for us and that is not pathetic, it’s just the truth.

Spring Chicks

Not raised on a farm I have not been around chickens all my life or anything. This weekend we picked up 7 baby chicks. Three road island reds and three Americana’s and one black one.

I had no idea they had such distinct personalities. The reds are very sweet and they all hang out together. The Americana’s are very independent and like to sleep alone some of the times.

There is one girl that is set to rule the roost. She is the first one to try to peck me; she seems to think it is her job to protect the others. A mother hen sort of thing, I keep telling her I am not going to hurt any of them. If she keeps being uppity, I will have no problem putting her in the boiling pot 1st. She is very pretty and that’s why I chose her, but she has so much attitude. Which is why I am thinking of calling her Juno, like the Greek goddess, that was pretty but mean.

I haven’t decided on names for all of them yet. I was thinking of naming them after breakfast foods. Like Pancakes and home fries, and bacon all the things that go with eggs. Their reason for getting these breeds of chickens was to get colored eggs, I figured if I am going through all the trouble of raising laying hens, I might was well see some nice pretty eggs as well.

In the projects that I take on, I don’t want to just feel I deserve the better things in life, I want to be one of the better things in life. I want to know about fashion and motorbikes and raising hens and dancing and surfing. The more you know about different things the more interesting conversations you can have. For my writing these experiences enhance my own life, so I can use these details in my stories. My characters will have rich lives to draw upon in their expressions. Plus it has been said, the most sophisticated thing to do is to pack it all in and leave the city for country life. What do you think all those people are doing with country homes and estates? They are raising horses, chickens or prize-winning dogs.

Also in these uncertain times we can all do something to cut expenses. Our grandparents grew their own veggies and had live stock as well. To that end I have also planted some lettuce, tomatoes, cilantro, chives, red onions, and strawberries. They didn’t have the chilies I wanted just yet at the nursery. That will have to wait. It may be winter still everywhere else, but for me it’s already spring and time to get going with my plans for summer.

Normal

For me it is normal to go to the beach, in fact if I don’t get to go and at least put my feet in the water, I get edgy. A few years ago I went on a vacation and spent so much time on dry land I had to dive into the hotel pool as soon as I could.

I have made it a habit to exercise everyday now. If I don’t it makes the whole day go wrong. It is also normal for me to go to my classes on Monday night. It used to be my norm to walk the dogs but that has passed onto my man.

It was my normal thing to host my friend for dinner every Sunday. That was for the last five years. Not doing so in the last few months has felt wrong and I don’t like it. It made me clean up more and worries about a good meal for Sunday. Now my game is all off and my house isn’t as clean as it could be. Without the idea that someone is coming over, what’s the point? Sure I clean it for myself, just not as well as I have before. The only thing that has returned to normal was helping my friend with their laundry.

This is now my 4th year of regular exercise. I have the goal weight in my mind that I want to be at on my next birthday. I only have that as a marker to give me a goal. Not that it is a big deal with this birthday than any others. It’s just where I want to be. To that end I have been making great strides.

The last year has been great, since I have been doing my belly dancing. I have noticed that all my clothes are fitting me loser. I have shed some pounds and still doing well. With upcoming performances in March, it helps me to keep up with the dancing. One reason: to be ready to perform the second: to keep up with my routine. This last Monday at my belly dance class my hip scarf fell off my hips to the ground. That has never happened, it was great and I feel like I am making progress.

Trying to keep to my normal schedule isn’t always easy and I get tired sometimes. Sometimes I get to feel like I am too scheduled and need a break. Most of the time I keep to my schedule and I get a lot done. The whole reason for all this, is that I like to do nothing and daydream and watch TV and surf the net. If I don’t have some structure I will get nothing done. That’s what’s normal for me.

Lightweights

I went to a wedding recently. We had to deal with some lightweights. It was fun though. It’s not that I want my friends to be alcoholics, but if they do over do it, we need to be prepared. Good thing they had a room to go to, otherwise we would have all had to go home early.

Not that drinking is the only place a person can be a lightweight. Some are emotional lightweights. You can put on Kevlar vests and carry weapons but only God can heal your real heart. The armor cannot protect you from emotional damages. Some drink to fight off the bad feelings, but in the morning they are still there. That is a very immature way of dealing with things. Instead of facing them head on, they need to be softened by an alcohol buzz. Only prayer helps you to face things head on, otherwise all of us would resort to drugs.


Others are lightweights when it comes to helping out. They will only do a little and then stop. For some reason these people are also the biggest talkers. They act like they do tons of things, but its all talk. People that really do things don’t have to make you think they did stuff, they show you what they have done. Here is the cabin I built; here is the dish I cooked. If you only hear about what they do and never see them in action, how can you know if they really did anything? Martha Stewart shows all the stuff she does, but you know she can’t do it all alone. She hires staff to do the gardening while she does the TV Show. Plus she has more than on house, she can’t clean them all herself.

Then there is the worst, the religious lightweight. The one that has no faith and doesn’t believe in God at all, like not believing is going to make Him not exist. It seems that disbelief in God helps people commit crimes and produce horrible weapons. If there is no one to be accountable to and we are the only ones here, than it’s easier to hate others.

We all have things we need to work on. No one is perfect, but maybe we can just do one good thing every day. Whatever you believe, it’s never wrong to do the right thing. We can be heavyweights in the art of compassion.

Out there

This last weekend I was able to get out there again and go to the beach. It was nice and warm. The water was freezing and no one was out there without a wet suit. There were about 35 surfers just in the section I was at.

It was good to get out of the house and be in the water and then lie in the warm sun and dry off. I played with the sand and found a stick of driftwood and drew in the sand. Only after I smoothed out a spot and made it nice and clean, like a piece of paper. I took time to give thanks God for the ocean and the wonderful sea with all its creatures. Like the little sea-horses that look like they are branches of seaweed. I have seen a lot of them at the aquarium. I don’t mind seeing jelly fish, as long as they are behind thick Plexiglas.

The other animals I like are the otters, they look so happy and play and swim fast. They seem as if they don’t have a care in the world. In some of the tours I have taken it’s been noted that the less predators the animals have the more they are free to learn tricks. Since the Shamus Wales are high up on the food change they can learn to do all sorts of tricks.
I didn’t see any dolphins this time, lots of pelicans and the seagulls of course.

Since it was warm there were many more families than is normal for January. At this time of year it just the surfers and a few joggers. Sometimes families with dogs are there and always people on beach cursers, but they are just getting around.

After my session, I went to get something to eat. It was too late to go to the local hang out. I would be waiting for too long. As I left I saw a group of guys on motorcycles. Since I ride my scooter, and have been on tons of rallies, it was easy to spot the newbie. He was tall and sat up on his bike, way too straight. He looked uncomfortable, plus as the group turned left in front of me, he kept his feet on the ground. He only put them on his foot pegs when he was almost to the curb. I didn’t mean to stare, but I was. He had a smile on his face as if I was checking him out. As I left I chuckled to myself, sure I was watching him, but not for the reasons he thought.

Now the weather has changed and it is sprinkling out side. I don’t mind, I love the rain as well. We need it as it is. I want to plant my seeds for my flowers, this weekend. If we don’t get any rain, the soil will be too dry to plant in. If this weekend is rainy and cold, it’s still fine with me. At least I had time last week to get back out there.

Scared

I can’t say that I don’t get scared every once in a while. It can be intimidating to go up the line up with the guys, men that have been surfing much longer than I have. I don’t like taking my scooter over the bridges in Long Beach, that one is scary.

It was scary to dance in front of my friends last Sunday. I haven’t been out the beach in a while. I have been spending all my time practicing for my performance. Yes, getting back out there will be a little scary.

I don’t get a lot of help with the scary stuff. No one is in my corner telling me I can do it, until I am about to go out there and do it. During the time I am thinking about doing something adventurous I have no help. While I am preparing to go out and do something new I have no help. I pray about things and I tell myself over and over again that if I don’t do it I will regret it. If I waited for someone to help me and hold my hand I would never do any of this.

As a result I do feel more scared about things. I still do them since my life would be boring if I didn’t. If I waited to be taken out dancing I would be at home. If I waited for someone to go with me to the beach, it would be years later. I still have to wait for things, but for the things I can do on my own I just do them without waiting. I practice over and over again so I can avoid making too many mistakes. It helps me not be quite as sacred.

I do envy people that have more confidence than I. If there were another deciding factor other than boredom and exasperation, it would be nice. As it is, I have used my fear of leading a dull life as the impetuses to keep trying new things. Scared or not, I will still go out there and try new things.