Scared

I can’t say that I don’t get scared every once in a while. It can be intimidating to go up the line up with the guys, men that have been surfing much longer than I have. I don’t like taking my scooter over the bridges in Long Beach, that one is scary.

It was scary to dance in front of my friends last Sunday. I haven’t been out the beach in a while. I have been spending all my time practicing for my performance. Yes, getting back out there will be a little scary.

I don’t get a lot of help with the scary stuff. No one is in my corner telling me I can do it, until I am about to go out there and do it. During the time I am thinking about doing something adventurous I have no help. While I am preparing to go out and do something new I have no help. I pray about things and I tell myself over and over again that if I don’t do it I will regret it. If I waited for someone to help me and hold my hand I would never do any of this.

As a result I do feel more scared about things. I still do them since my life would be boring if I didn’t. If I waited to be taken out dancing I would be at home. If I waited for someone to go with me to the beach, it would be years later. I still have to wait for things, but for the things I can do on my own I just do them without waiting. I practice over and over again so I can avoid making too many mistakes. It helps me not be quite as sacred.

I do envy people that have more confidence than I. If there were another deciding factor other than boredom and exasperation, it would be nice. As it is, I have used my fear of leading a dull life as the impetuses to keep trying new things. Scared or not, I will still go out there and try new things.