Float

For fishing we need floats. This last Sunday with the heat it was great to have a root beer float. The body float, which is why you should not panic in the water. If you relax your body, it will float to the top. Like a rubber ducky or a bar of soap.

I love lying on my board and floating for a minute after paddling out. There is something so peaceful about it. I love looking up and down the coast and the grey clouds above. A lot of people only like to see the ocean when it is clear sky’s but that’s when all the tourist are around. I hate that summer is coming and I will have to share my ocean with way too many people.

Today is cloudy and I would love to be on my board right now and smell the ocean in my noise and well taste it as well. Not a lot, just a bit, I haven’t been out and it’s making me edgy.

The ocean is so much a part of my life. Its’ like a friend I haven’t seen in a while and I miss them terribly. In real life I have had some problems with my friends. I think they should be over it, but they are not. The some with others I am not over it. In all we can’t rush each other. The ocean can slap you if you don’t respect it well enough. I have to be respecting of others and leave them alone, if they need more time they can have it.

It’s difficult and sometimes all the “I’m sorry” in the world don’t make it better. Even if people say they accept your apology sometimes they really don’t. Sure you can tell since they stop calling and don’t so much as text message you, “How are you doing?”

I know I get obsessive and I want to talk to people all the time. While I let others heal I am in withdrawal of communication. The bad part is that I said I would leave them alone. This means I can’t even tell them how much I miss them and hope they are okay.

With other friends they are always there, and while I am getting over things, they are the ones that hurt me and I can’t talk to them about them. What to do?

When things get this stressed I just want to run away. I want to be a child and cry and say it’s not fair, and throw a temper tantrum. Of course that would not help anything and so I don’t do that. Instead I get up on a cloudy day really early, strap on my board and go visit another friend. The one that tells me its okay to just float for a while and it will be okay.