Men

For some reason in my life I have mainly had more men friends than women. During other times in my life I had more women friends and while they were so sympathetic to me and understood me so well. They could be hard to get along with and touchy and they didn’t help me grow. They helped me complain endlessly and they helped me whine and when I did grow, I ended up out growing them.

I do feel we need friend of both sexes to keep us balanced. The guy friends I have, if they are left alone will think all sort of dumb things about women. Like that women only want men with money or that all women are psychotic and crazy. Sure some are, I have seen them too, but if a man is saying all his ex-girlfriends are like that. Well that has to do with the type of woman he keeps dating. The ‘together, rational’ women aren’t hanging out at dive bars and hooking up with men at the end of the night, by the way. The 'together ones' are working hard and going to business mixers or organizing events.

The things I have learned from men, is to get over things faster and let things go and keep working at your goals. If you spend all your time crying on your girlfriend’s shoulders, yeah you are getting a sympathetic ear. You are also taking too long on this event and should have moved on by now. Girls let each other go on and on about things and that makes us hold on to it so much longer. My guy friends help me to see if I keep talking about, whatever, they are not going to keep listening and will go wash the car rather than listen to me whine. It makes me shut up and re-boot and move on to the next thing sooner that I would have on my own.


That’s one of the things I love about men, they keep moving on to the next thing. I see them being successful and then I remember. He didn’t give up and he didn’t wallow in self-pity. As a girl I don’t have to wallow either, I can take my surfboard out and relax and get over myself. I also love to see that determined look in men’s faces when you know they are set and going to go forward with their plans. I hope I can have that kind of confidence someday. Thanks guys for all your help. You have no idea; it’s so much harder for us girls. That’s why we need you, to learn from you and we do love you for it!

Dogs

The other night I had to evacuate my house due to a chemical spill. I really don’t know what that meant but it’s a safe bet on my street they were talking about a Meth lab. Maybe it was ready to blow? Who knows, at any rate I had to grab a few things and get my dogs and walk up the street.

The funny thing about my dogs is that since they are blissfully unaware of any danger they could help cheer me up. I hadn’t thought about how important they are to me. I love them, but I surprised myself when the first thing I asked the Police was, “Can I get my dogs?” I was told yes, as long as they were on a leash.

Middy my Wheaton Scottie saw a dog on the loose and got off her leash and chased the other dog. I had to yell for her to come back, it took a second for her to respond but she did come back and I got her back on her leash. We go to the corner the cops had directed us to. This is also the turning point my dogs know to start on our regular route. They kept pulling on me till I got the message they wanted their full walk. Since I had nowhere to go and they needed a walk I took them.

They had a grand time and it did give me a chance to think about things and walking is a great stress relief. That was the plan anyway. They were great till a Pit Bull came our way and then I had to hold them back from fighting. Later we were back at the corner waiting for my man to come home from work and pick us up. The pit bull was back and my two girl dogs got all worked up and fought with each other. I was mortified and told them to stop. They did but not before Gwennie got out of her collar. She was naked and walking away from me. I called her to come back and she did but wouldn’t get to close to me. No wonder, what with Middy ready to fight again. A Police officer helped me by holding on to Middy and Haggis while I got Gwennie back into her collar and leash.


In the end she only had a small scratch on her ear and we put some ointment on it. She will be fine. Other than fraying my nerves it was okay. Today they all made up and all three of my dogs were on one big dog bed together cuddled up. I love my dogs and I would rather have taken them along with me in a crisis than anything else. Misbehaving aside they are great and I had to let them work things out themselves, they always do anyway.

Faking

There are some things you just can’t fake. You can’t fake being a good driver when you are not. That was seen last weekend at a scooter rally I attended. There was one girl that was all flash and no go. Her scooter was nice and she had all the right details to make it stylish but she lacked in riding skills. People around her could hear her pop she clutch and she almost lost is a few times. All whip cream and no fruit.


Then there is surfing, you can have the board and the style and when you get in the water everyone will know you can’t surf if you let go of your board while trying to go under a wave, especially if they get hit with it. So why do people try to fake their way through things?

Maybe we have all seen too many movies where, for the sake of time, the characters take to things much too fast. Sure in a movie where things have to be paced to the audience isn’t bored, and then yes things move much more quickly. For my riding on a scooter I spent many a Sunday afternoon driving around while no one was there to get my skills up and then I did the driver’s test over and over before booking the appointment.

As for my surfing I should be better than I am now, but I don’t push myself. As it was my husband pushed me in the scooter riding and it came to be a chore. Now I haven’t ridden in a while if I go back out in a big group I am okay but not great. Not that I even try to fake that one. I know I can’t be great at everything I do and I just keep trying and going out and enjoying myself.

I have no idea why people fake that they are sick when they are not. I hate that; if you are going to be lazy just say so. There is no need to pretend to be ill when you can jolly well get up and get going. Just another faker I guess, and so silly. Give me a day when I feel good anytime!

In Doors

This last weekend was not the weekend here in So Cal to be out at the beach or outside much at all. I had been looking forward to my Sunday ritual and taking my board out. Since I have problems with allergies and with all the heavy ash in the air there was no way I was going out.


I enjoy reading and being indoors. Sure I get out and exercise, since I write I have to other wise I will just be so fat and unhealthy. I was able to get some reading done since I had to stay inside, it was better than watching the news 24 hours. When there are fires like last weekend it is hard to get away from watching. It’s good to do something else. The news casters’ really want you to obsess and watch the coverage of the fire all day long. As if you will miss something if you tune out for a second, and you can’t do that now can you?

We rented some movies. Not that I really watched them I ended up doing more reading, research for a new character. It was the mournful sight of all the smoke in the air that kept us in as well. I had friends that had to evacuate from their homes. Out of the 29 families that I knew of that had to leave none of them had their house destroyed in the fires.

Some had some damage to their backyard but not their homes. That was great and nothing short of a miracle. After all is said and done, there was tons of ash in the streets and even in my yard at home.

I did get stir crazy by Sunday night and went to a reading in LA. I just had to think about something else for a while. This week at work has been stressful and I really want to go back out in to the sea again and relax on my board for a while. It really helps me to make it through the week. I don’t want to spend all my time indoors.

Walk

The walk to my car and get my board down from the roof rack or the walk to the shore line, there are many walks that put a smile on my face. My dogs need to walk and they are their own motivation. They are so happy when they see the leashes come out. It’s difficult to put them on since they are bouncing around and going crazy in the living room.

If I am stuck with something to write I might get up from my desk and talk a walk to the store, just to get some fresh air and move around for a bit. I walk around the mall sometimes, but that is not a refreshing as walking on the sand.

In our families sometimes we walk towards them or away from them. For me I have run away from my mother and sister and most of my family. Not all of them have hurt me as much as my mother and sister have, but if they ask about them, what can I say? I don’t want to see them ever again since they are so horrid. Its one thing to have disagreements and quite another to suffer abuse. After a while I started to lose respect for myself, for staying around my mother as long as I did.

With others it’s the same thing. If you are in a spot were its not working and you still stay can you still respect yourself in the morning? I see my friends treat their boyfriends or girlfriends and I have lost respect for them. I have to walk away from watching it happen all over again, I get really tired of seeing it. As for me, there may come a time when I might have to take a walk.

When is it time to take a walk? No one can answer that but you. Some times you have to stay since it’s not the time to walk. Not because you want to stay, there may not be a lot of options open to you at the time. What do you do in the mean time? For me I don’t need to make things worse than they are and I don’t need to create a fuss all the time. I make the best of things for the time being and find ways to get out of the house. I take a short walk to the shore or other places. I encourage others to walk as well, it helps build up your stamina for a much longer walk.

In Common

I have not grown up participating in sports. My sister did and my older brother sisters did and they used to talked endlessly about it. My father was one of those horrid little league coaches that used to yell at the players and probably had much to do with their emotional scaring.

Now that I am older I am grateful for the fact that the men in my life are not glued to the TV for baseball or football. I have not had to learn to love the team my man does or anything like that. When people do talk to me about sports I can feel my eyes glaze over and I just half listen. If anything I can use it in a scene in my writing; but I could care less about the sport itself.

At parties men seem to bond over sports and teams and have something to talk about. If nothing else there is that. I had this experience over the weekend. I was at a dinner party ad found myself talking to a very bigoted man and his wife. I had nowhere to run and leave this unpleasant conversation. I did change the subject and lastly we got on to surfing. From there it was a lot nicer. It was funny that he directed most of his surfing stories to my man. He does not surf and only tried a bit when he was younger. The older man did not think for a second that I would be the surfer in the family. It took him along time to address me with the stories and I was the one that understood about him going left and a kook dropping in on him or letting go of their board when they were trying to duck-dive and hitting his board.


While it wasn’t fun to have him assume that the only another white male like himself would understand his stories. It did get us talking about something that we did have in common. If politics and race and language divide people sports and the love of the same sport and bring people a bit closer. It may seem like a boring conversation to those that don’t enjoy the sport, but at least we are talking about something nice and if we disagree on other things there is always surfing.

Passion

People say that you should follow your passion and good things will come. That you should do what you love for work and your life will be better.

I have found by watching others that if you do what you love for work you may end up hating it. There has to be other passions that don’t have to do with work. We all need things that refresh us.

For me surfing and belly dancing are just those. They build me up and they help me face the rest of what I have to do. Even though I work with a dear friend and I have a great time at my job, it’s still good to get outside and smell the salt air. To swim and have time to myself. If others did that they might feel better as well.

It is not good to stay in all the time and you can’t expect your friends to entertain you when all you want to do is sit and get drunk. It’s not a good thing to expect your mate or good friends to only be there to keep you from being bored. I work hard to have the kind of life that is fun to read about and just as fun to live and write about.

If I didn’t work hard at that I would be boring. Since I am not having kids my passion is my writing and what I want to leave behind in this world. For my readers, I have to get out there and live my life. Not because I have someone in my life, but just being me. On my own I should be interesting. If not what good am I?

Here’s to my passion of writing, one that I will follow till my hands can’t type anymore!

Fall So Cal Style

In other areas in the country there is a bigger difference in seasons than here in So Cal. With that said here it is October and I am still in short skirts and sandals.

Last Sunday at the beach and it was our version of fall. It was really cold and even the sand was cold. I really needed my booties but I forget them. Needless to say I wasn’t able to stay out very long, since my feet and hands started to go numb.

It was very clear and the winds had made it especially pretty. Looking toward Long Beach and then towards the Balboa Peninsula was breath taking.

The rest of the week had been marked by highs and lows. With the high winds, this makes for hard decisions on what to wear. As we try to be comfortable, we find the need to keep sweaters and t-shirts both handy. I just put flannel sheets on my bed and by Wednesday I wished I had not.

For me another mark of fall is the constant need to use a decongestant. If I don’t I can’t breathe. I also can’t exercise too much since that will result in a sinus infection and I will be sick for about two weeks and I just don’t have time to be sick for that long.

As for the surf it should be picking up and the winter can be so great around here. I am looking forward to that and more days of cooler weather. Sure we don’t have falling leaves, well maybe on one side of the yard. We do have the hot dry Santa Ana’s and we still get to go to the beach all year long.

As the days get shorter and we have to wear hoodies rather than just t-shirts, well that is fall and winter for us. Beats shoveling snow any day.

Restless

The last few weeks I have been off my game. I went to a writer’s conference and was too tired and needed all my attention to be on my writing. It was great and I was able to meet other writers, some of them fellow surfers and on fellow belly dancer.

Last week I wasn’t feeling good and didn’t get out on Sunday. Of course the weekend I didn’t go out and it was going off in Huntington! These are not excuses but the reasons I was not out. After all that and a fender bender that has my beetle in the body shop, I can say I am really getting restless.

I need to feel the water around my hands and my feet in the cold water. I need to get back out there. Yes I am going tomorrow, so I don’t have to whine too much. I don’t even care if the waves are bad or small and it doesn’t seem like the next few days will be great but I am still going out on Friday and Sunday.

My friends that surf always want me to go with them and they keep asking me when I go out so they can join me. I really am reluctant to give up the time I have alone to be with them. I know it’s selfish, but I have to have time when I am not doing things for others and not entertaining people.

In my normal day I don’t have to talk all the time and I get time to write, like right now. I do have to run around and do things for my boss and good friend. I cook and clean the house and take care of my dogs. Even to get some time at home by myself takes effort. I have to send the dogs outside and make sure other things are done before I can just pull out a book and read alone.

The time I have alone is so valuable to me I really fight for it tooth and nail. It’s such a good thing I don’t have kids. It would be lonely for them to have a mom that needs to be alone before dealing with them.

For all my complaining right now, I know it’s just that I’m restless and I need to get out there. I will feel so much better after I go into the water. :-)

Keeping going out there

In the time I have gone back to surfing sometimes I feel like I am making such slow progress. It’s true that is the perfectionist in me. I have never been that great at sports. Not that I am going to give up, I just have to look for the little things that help give me the strength to keep going back out there.

The surfers are talk to me more and more. I am sure they didn’t expect to see me past Labor Day weekend. The ocean doesn’t judge me and if my belly dancing has taught me anything is not to care what others think of you.

I still get so excited to get my board down and strap it to the rack on my car. I love the smell of the ocean as I drive down the hill into New Port. I was about to pick out a street corner in a fellow writer’s work, it was PCH and Main in Huntington. I could tell by the ocean placement and the coffee shop he mentioned, that you can see across the street. He is also a surfer.

In the water I let the other surfers know I will stay out of the way and I keep my word. Taking out my board gets easier and easier. I still know the dips in the sand on my way out to the lineup. My paddling is stronger.

Now that I am listing these things I feel much better about it than I did when I started this blog! I guess have I no reason to complain and every reason to get back out there….I can’t wait now!

Father – Son

One of the things I really enjoy seeing when I go out is the father son teams going out surfing. The little boys are just fearless, and take to it like nothing.

My father is a small Hispanic man who is very macho and all ways wanted a son. I guess to carry on the family name and to teach manly things to. Much like Henry the 8th my dad is a girl maker; he has had two wives and three girls.

My older sister the natural athlete in the family was pushed by my father to excel in sports. She would play with kids twice her age and kept up. It was amazing. My younger sister was also raised with her mother, who let her take ballet and taps. She did not have to try to play baseball and basketball, softball like her older siblings.

In the end I am really a lot more like my father than he knows or will acknowledge. I have to work at sports it’s true. And with the surfing I have done I have learned a lot about myself and I have found it such a great stress relief and I love it. I keep it up even if I am feeling bad or tired. I can’t wait to go out every week.

The sad thing is that my father never saw the persistence I have. He sees women as week and child-like and just something to have sex with. When I was a teenager and first tried surfing and told him about it he said, “Really you surf? How long before you panic?” Then he turned away and didn’t let me answer.

The thing he doesn’t know about me is that I don’t panic, ever. I am really steady and when I am in a crisis, my steadiness goes up a notch, or two.

I do a lot of guy things and work with men. I have learned and keep learning about scooters and engines and I love it. In a lot of ways I am the son he always wanted. Too bad he doesn’t know. Or maybe it servers him right.

Talking with a fellow surfer last night and he has a three year old son, he can’t wait till he gets old enough to take surfing. How great is that?

Meditate

I guess that is why I really go out to the beach. With all that I have to do, I just need time to stop and think and relax a bit. I had my belly dance recital and I had been practicing everyday like a mad woman.

Taking out my board last Friday was just what I needed. To get out in the fresh air and think and relax and feel the cold water at my feet and taste the salt water running down the back of my mouth.

At my spot I unloaded my board and checked out to see who was in the water. The waves were mellow, yet again and there were a quite a few long boards out there. The day was overcast and my butt was freezing on the way home. Thank goodness for seat warmers!

What did I have to think about? The fact that I am not skinny and yet I was going to belly dance in front of a live audience. Would they think I was a dumb fat girl that didn’t realize she was fat and somehow was disillusioned and thought she was 22 again and really hot? I know that those kinds of things are left over from my family. The other girls were not perfect either, that helped a lot.

There is also the fact that I have been dancing so much, it is helping me to keep my waistline down. One of the many reasons I love doing this, sure it’s fun. Helping me lose weight so much better!

The belly dancing is helping me lose weight and my stomach is smaller, which helps my surfing. Surfing makes me feel good and I was in a great mood the whole day. During the day I work on this blog or my book. The belly dancing makes me feel sexy and confident and that helps me work on my book and feel confident about my work as a writer.

It does all seem to keep feeding and helping each other. A symbiotic relationship so to speak. I do feel a lot better these days that is for sure, and when I am in the sand drying off, it’s the sort of thing I meditate on.

Watching

In the water we have to watching for the next wave, others around us. In driving we have to constantly watch and see what the other idiot drivers are doing around us. When I am in the water I operate under the idea that no one cares or notices a thing I am doing.

One day as I got my board waxed and ready to take out, a tourist family showed up. There was a mom and dad and two little boys. I had no intention of doing anything more but practice and get a good work out.

The boys watched me intently and when I was paddling out there was a few big waves that I swam over. As I came up to each wave, I could hear one of the boys gasp, a few times he said. “Watch out!”

I was fine and swam over them no problem. It was funny to hear his concern for me. I had no idea he was that worried. Later when I came out he was a more than disappointed. I had not busted out any great moves. There wasn’t way to, since there were not any great waves. I suppose he thought this was like live Fuel TV, but it wasn’t.

When I go out I also enjoy watching what the other surfers are doing and seeing them get a good ride in. At this point I am still not much for others to watch. I need to work on that. I have not pushed myself too hard in this sport. The whole beach time for me is more meditative for me more than anything else.

I love the ocean and miss the salt water in my mouth if I don’t get to go out that often. These last two weeks I didn’t get to go out. I will get up early and go out tomorrow. I need it. I have been working hard on my dancing, but I need to clear my head and watch the water for a bit.

Land Locked

This last weekend I was in Reno to attend a scooter rally and visit some friends. I don’t gamble and I don’t really like Reno. If it were not for friends being there, I could have skipped the whole thing. What with the crack heads and daytime hookers, no thank you.

Since I work at a scooter shop the rally was really a way to promote the shop. It was a smaller rally that some of the local ones. Not that it is a bad thing. You really get to know everyone in the local scene and they are so appreciative of the attention.

Saturday was really dry and windy. The ride was great and even though 23 scooters and 4 mopeds showed up, they were all very excited bunch. The ride took us to a nice park and it was nice drive back. The group stayed together for the most part, and helped visitors back to the meeting spot.

After the ride, while we waited for the gymkhana to start, there was a swap meet being held. I was able to pick up some nice things. There was also a small food stand, selling cold beers and calamari.

While it was nice in the hills, being land locked like that has much to be desired. I have lived in areas before where it’s hours to the ocean, it’s so much not for me. When I visit places like that, it’s just a visit. Nothing to me says I have to stay or would want to stay. On the other hand, being on an island is not something I would want either. I love the idea of taking a plane flight and go to another side of the country, or drive for hours and never leave the state. I wouldn’t want to drive all-day and just go in a circle.

I know these preferences are in me because of where I have grown up. If I had grown up on an island I would love it. Being in So Cal is pretty great; we have the beach, the mountains and the desert, not too shabby. At least we aren’t land-locked, unless we want to be. Glad to be home.

Same time, same place

I was at my regular spot on Sunday. I did take time to check out another surf spot before going back to my same old, same old.

The morning was quite grey at first. By 9 am it cleared and was starting to get warm. I have been out all summer and have not gotten that tan. Sure I have an all year long tan; it’s just that I take off when the sun really starts to come out. I always use sun-screen, even if it is overcast. I have learned years ago to take care of my skin.

The day was nice and the surf was mellow. Like it has been for the last month. I was tired from being out the night before. I had gone to the symphony and while it’s not a wild evening it was fun. They had played Beethoven 5th and we had drunk some wine. There was also a fireworks display. That was fun and I got to spend time with a friend I haven’t done anything with in a while, always great to catch up.

The next morning after getting even more tired from being in the water, I relaxed and read on the sand. There was a pod of dolphins again. They stayed a while and I could see two of them jumping out of the water together.

The rest of the week has been so busy for me. We are going out of town this weekend and I will be with mostly men, and nowhere near the ocean. If I hadn’t forced myself to get up early and get going I wouldn’t have been there to see the dolphin and recharge my batteries for this next week.

I will have to wait till a week from tomorrow to go back out again and I will again not pass up the chance to get my board out and take it to the same place. Good thing it will be there waiting for me.

Great Time

The last Sunday was another great time at Lake Newport. The tide was so low I could walk up to the lineup and the water was only up to my shoulders. Being that I am only 4’11’ that makes it about 4 feet of water.

I had to joke with the other surfers and we talked a bit. I waited for some of them to leave to take my board out. There were about 10 and no waves. Okay, just little bitty ones that were better for body surfing than board surfing. There was no need for my 9’6” board to be hogging up space. I swam for a while and played a bit in the water, making sure to keep out of the way as best as I could.

I did get my board out. I am finding out that I am not as tired as I used to be. Now I feel ready to try to add Friday mornings to my schedule of exercise. I should be able to go out and then head back in time for work. I don’t know if I will be able to do every Friday, but I will try.

This will be my first time going out twice in one week. Of course I will be reporting back as to how that goes. As always I will check up on Surf line before I go out. What did we do before that? Oh yeah, the surf reports on the phone.

The end of my morning ended as usual with breakfast and a good book. Before I left I took a long last look. They sky was blue and the water sparkled and I was listening to good music. It’s times like that when it’s so hard to leave.

This is what I do, first I think about making a change. Test out the waters to see if it is possible. Then when I feel it is right I go for it and don’t look back. I can’t always do that with everything, but I will keep trying. :-)

Out

For a Sunday in August it was pretty overcast. I was out the other day and after I got out of the water I needed my sweater. It was still good to be out of the house and in the water.

I was almost going to stay in and sleep some more, but I went to Surf line and saw that that water was really calm and slow. If I didn’t go and get out there it would have been really lame of me. I got myself ready and strapped up my board and got out there.

It was nice, I got a good parking spot and waxed up my board and got in the water. After a while another surfer was coming up to my left in the lineup. I was off my board just playing around. I didn’t want him to think I was going to be a pain. “Don’t worry I will stay out of your way.” I said.

“It’s a lot colder that I thought it was going to be.” He said after a chuckle.

I did move and get out of his way. I was there to keep working on my upper body strength and the only way to do that is to get out there and get on my board and really paddle and swim.

When I was ready to get out I made sure there was no wave any one was trying to catch and I rode a small wave in to the shoreline. I kept my word and did not get in any ones way. I watched as the other stayed in the water longer and after a while I drifted off to sleep in the sand.

Later I woke up, since hunger pains set in. Yeah, like no one ever gets starving hungry after swimming. The morning ended with breakfast by myself. At home it was a lot hotter, good thing I had time to go into the water and get out of the house.

How do they do it?

I know there are other spots on earth that are hotter than So Cal. Just going farther east into Palm Springs and you are hotter still. How do they do it?

The hottest place I have ever lived was in Las Vegas NV. I lived there the summer I turn 16. The daytime high was 120 and I was able to walk around and everything. The funny thing about that was that all summer I never saw another teenagers walking around and I never meet them. When I went to register for school I just sat back in wonderment. Where had they been all summer? My sister and I would go to the malls during the day, and yes I carried my bomb box proudly. I blasted Siouxie and the Banshees, and everyone stared. Also I spent a lot of money on Perrier that summer.

In Rancho Cordova it was also about 120 at noon in the summer. The difference was the humidity. Rancho was much more humid than Vegas, for obvious reasons. In Vegas I didn’t feel tired from the heat as much as I do here some times. In Rancho I really felt it, the kind of heat that makes you sluggish.

There was no way I could live in Vegas. It was quite a while ago, but there is nothing to do when you are underage and not a tourist. At the time I couldn’t deal with the fact that I had to go to another state to go to the beach. Now, well my family lives there and we are not close, one more reason to stay away from Vegas.

It is just amazing that we can live in all these different climates and still be okay. Somewhat, we all get uncomfortable and sticky. Here in So Cal over a hundred years ago, a very wealthy Spanish woman used to keep a glass of ice tea handy and press it to her wrist to keep herself cool during the summers. Others just drink tons of water. For me, it’s all about getting back into the water to cool off. If it’s the pool or the ocean there is nothing like cold water on a hot day. Okay maybe a cold beer, and yes I would walk over my own mother to get one on a day like today!

Waking up

As I wake up in the morning I’m thinking about the day ahead. I have never liked getting up early in the morning. I have learned to get up over the years, but in truth I have always been a night owl.

I was thinking about inspiration this morning as I woke up. There is a school of thought that artist are just supposed to be relaxed and never force working but let the inspiration come to you and only when that happens, and you may need all day and drinks and watching TV and not be bothered with rent or other bills. All of this is supposed to make you a better artist, a purist.

That’s a great utopia to dream of, but a working artist will tell you the opposite. You have to find inspiration and hunt it down. You have to be able to get work done in order to be paid; you will have to treat it as a small business.

For me, Thursdays seem to be good for my writing. That does not mean that if I have a free minute I can take up a pen and paper or work on my laptop and I will have something to write about. So I keep going back to work, since am not going to get inspired doing nothing. You still have to prove to editors and others that you can crank out the work. There is no two ways about it. While day dreaming is part of it, it can’t be all of it.

I have many projects that I want to finish and to do that I have to work at it. I don’t want to be the person that just talks about my writing, but does my writing. The other day I stopped and thought about how long I have been working on things. My manuscript was finished, the first draft in 2003. Now I am sending it out to editors and magazines. You have to think that other writers find things to send in, or staff workers they can’t just sit and look at the walls.

Anything that is worth doing takes effort. That’s why it’s called work, and after it’s done and you get to see the good results from it, it is worth the effort. That is the true wake up call. You have to work it’s not always fun, but necessary. I know I am not a quitter and I feel like I am really awake.

Kook

Yes, it’s true I am not an expert and I may as well admit I fall under this category. I don’t let it get me down. I keep trying and working hard and I am getting a bit better. During the summer months it can be said that all the kook’s seem to come out of the woodwork.

As it is I try to go out all year ‘round. In fact after having the beach almost to myself during the winter it is sometimes hard to share the ‘pool’ with a few more heads. I had not anticipated those types of feelings but they do come up every now and then. Of course it helps to go out early and beat the crowd.

Then again all the really good surfers are out and I don’t want to get in their way. I will sometimes just swim if that is the case and when they are done and the waves a bit smaller I go out. Why did I get there so early? Parking, good parking, that’s it.

One thing I do understand is good manners in the water. Others how ever do not. I have been with kooks that get in everyone’s way and never seem to notice that the other surfer has to bail so they don’t hit them. Others seem to forget to close their legs while on the board and everyone has to see right up....well you know. It’s not pretty by the way.

Why do I bring this up? Its summer that’s why and they are all out there. People you will never see come September or October. Please remember to look out for others around you; it’s not just the jetty you have to keep your eye on.

If someone calls you a Kook, it won’t be me. If they do, please get out of the way, and try to do better next summer. :-)

Talk

From time to time, I go to different spots to surf. By and large I go to the same spot. I have been for quite a while. In all this time I have barley been acknowledged by the guys that frequent the same area. Some of them live in the neighborhood, and I can understand their disdain for the kooks that invade their back yard every summer.

It does get to be a pain, what will the tourist and what not. The last time I went to the beach on July 4th, it took over an hour to get parking and the beach was packed and it wasn’t much fun. After that, I have stayed away from the beach on that day. I get to do all the other times of the year, one day does not hurt. For those that live there it must be horrid. Parking there normally is difficult, add to that the crowds and it’s no wonder they seem distant.

Having said all that, I have to add that I have not been talked to the whole time I have been going down to a certain beach. Imagine my surprise when this weekend the surfers started talking to me. They said hi, and asking if I was going back out in the water. Another even pushed the crosswalk button for me when I was taking my board back to the car. That was so nice.

I was so excited that they finally noticed. I didn’t think they ever would. This whole time I have been feeling a bit invisible. A few months back I had figured they just would never talk to me and I had come to terms with it. Sunday’s are my time alone as it is and I have been fine with it.

There is no need for them to talk to me, so it is really nice that they have taken the time to say hello, at least.

Summertime

Yup, it is officially summertime. Why do I say that? It’s not just the date telling me that, or the heat or the need to take a shower twice a day.

It’s the fact that on Sunday I took my board out and every 15 minutes there was a half way decent wave and seven surfers trying to get on it. Not that I am complaining, it was just funny to see.

The good things: getting out of the house, getting up early to beat the families that will flood the beach after 11 am. There were no screaming kids at 7 am. I was able to see more dolphins and the water wasn’t that cold. It was great to get a good parking space, with time still left on it!

I talked with the older surfer guys on my way in. I had looked up the conditions on Surf line before heading out. It was small, great for me, so I knew what to expect. The older guys were disappointed in the waves. It must be said that they had short boards and I a long board. It was better for me than for them. Of course they still in great shape for men their age, so there is always that.

I left them and went into the water. This is never a bad time. I was still smiling to myself, on my street as I was loading up my board the young guy across the street and his friends where still coming in from the night before, classic.

After being in the water for a while I dried off and listen to music and read a book. Sure it was just a few hours all the more to savor it. Since it’s only three months, I hope you go out and enjoy it a bit, summertime, nothing like it.

Tricks

The other day I was at the beach and I was able to see some dolphins off the shore. What is it about them that they always seem so happy?

In the film “The hitch-hikers guide to the universe” the dolphins were trying to warn earth of coming destructions but people thought they were just doing tricks. They leave and sing a song “So long and thanks for the fish,” that came to mind as I watched them play.

Some of them even jumped out of the water and I could see their whole body. It was a good size pod that I was watching. I could see the times they blow a bit of water off their blowholes, which helps to keep track of them.

I could have watched them for hours, but they moved on. They spent a good long time one area, maybe there had been a school of fish there. Their black sleek bodies looked shinny when they jumped up.

It wasn’t the most remarkable thing, but it was great to see them doing tricks as if they were performing in Sea World, only this time is was just on their own. It has been noted that it’s not that they are so smart. It’s just that they don’t have many enemies. They don’t have to spend as much time worrying about who will eat them. They have more time to play. The fewer predators the more time to learn tricks. That’s nice for them and for us so we get to see them flip in the air and look cute.

I don’t know what they are thinking, when they jump through hoops or do other tricks. It does look like they are having fun, especially when you see them doing that on their own in the wild.

Weekend

Last weekend, while it was a bit rainy for most people in So Cal, I had no complaints. Yeah the surf wasn’t high, which was perfect for me! :-)

While most were hiding indoors I headed out. There weren’t that many people there, which is unheard of for Memorial Day weekend. It did warm up just a bit and I was able to dry off no problem.

The best part of my weekend was being there in the sand and relaxing after being in the water. The rest of the summer it is going to hard to find parking and weekdays are better to go out than weekends. I savored every minute of this last slow day at the beach.

As a child I used to wait forever (or so it seemed) for summer to come. Days of nothing to do and hours in the pool or ‘working hard’ on my tan, what could be better? When I got a bit older I used to take along a journal and write down poems in between napping and swimming. Sadly those journals are long gone; I have no idea where they are at or if they have been trashed. Not that it is a great loss to literary history; I can admit that some of it was really bad.

Even when it is cold and most people stay away from the beach I do down there to get away from everyone. One of the great things about living here, there is space if you really need it.

I know what I am doing this weekend and it never gets boring. In fact it has helped me remember what is really important to me. And like many others, it’s the ocean. How was your weekend? Mine, Fab …thanks.

Starting over

I haven’t been able to take my board out in a while. I was able to get some time this last weekend. While the waves were not high it was a good time for me since I am a beginner and for me it was like starting all over again.

The sky was gray and it was not that warm. I had my spring suit on and if it was not for that I would not have gotten in the water. There was a tourist family, looked like they were from the Mid-west. Only they think 65 is hot.

I am not trying to say that I am a pro by any means. I just love this sport and anything that can keep me coming back and is such a good work out, is good for me. Since much of my time is spent taking care of others, I need alone time and this is it for me

Another family that was sitting close to me kept watching to see if I was going to bust out and do some cool moves. Sorry not this time, it was about getting back out there and keeping up my skills as a swimmer and paddling out. I know it’s not exciting. It does make me want to get out more and improve and be able to report some thing else already. One of the reasons for this blog, by the way.

So even though I have to start from scratch again, at least I am not giving up. I will be out next weekend again. :-)

Sand

There are a lot of people that don’t like sand. Since it can be coarse and it gets everywhere. If you spend time at the beach you have to deal with it. You might spend some time drying off by the car and whip the sand off your feet before getting into the car.

There always seems to be a bit left over in my wetsuit that has to be rinsed off. Then there is just time sleeping in the sand. Really you are on a towel over the sand. The nice thing about is that you can move it around and make it more comfortable for yourself.

I have spent many hours looking at the sand on my stomach while I have been drying off. Usually there are some sticks of driftwood that I use to drawn and write in the sand. I like to pick up the sand and let it fall through my fingers and do that over and over. I like the feel of the cooler sand, when the weather is cold. In the summer I don’t spend that much time playing with it. When I was younger and dug in the wet sand in the shoreline . I haven’t done that in years.

The sand can be like a warm bed to lay in when you are reading and relaxing at the beach. I have never been afraid of a bit of sand between my toes. I do get rid of it when I am getting back in the car, but other than that it does not really bother me.

In my weekly ritual the sand and the time I get to relax after being in the water is part of the pleasure of going to the beach. I like to read and think and relax before going home. I look at the miles of beach and look up towards Long Beach and down towards Laguna.


The sand is soft and makes a comfy bed for a few hours. I still like going home and climbing into my bed, but for relaxing sand can be just fine.

Travel

The great thing about travel is that you can be on one place and then suddenly in an other. Okay it takes more that that and it could be drive time or boarding a plane but it is fun to get out of the house and see something different for a change.

I had to take a puppy to her new family and had to travel to do that. I took a route I have never taken before and saw different sights than I normally see.

Old abandon buildings falling apart and old horse towns. While I know that not everything looks like So Cal it was interesting so see such diversity in my own state. No wonder people can film movies here and it can look like another state.

There are something’s you can’t fake. California does not look like England and Palm Springs does not look like Egypt but that has not stopped some films being shot here and the audience led to believe it was those places.

As for my puppy she couldn't have been more surprised. She woke up that morning still in her crate with her brothers and sisters. Then at the end of the day she was in the cold with snow falling on her. She will be well cared for and I know she will enjoy her new life.

As for me I still have to place the other pups, and the adult dogs to take care of. Not that I minded taking a road trip to take her to them. It’s always nice to travel.

Riding

A few years ago I had a job in South County, right by the John Wayne airport. The ride took me through Santa Ana and was quicker on my scooter than in my car, which would have meant sitting on the freeway for over an hour. Or even before that when I had a job close by and I rode the curvy road near by in Fullerton, on Lemon.

I was also attending many more scooter rallies. I like them, but after a while, it’s just driving. I had a project that I really needed to do as well, finish writing my novel. This is doesn’t mean just once and then you send the whole thing off like Snoopy and wait for letters. It means you edit it over and over again. I wrote the 1st draft in 2003 and re- wrote it in 03, 04 and 05 and once more in 06. Which meant last summer and fall I was, yup editing it again and all this requires sitting down and getting it done.

It has taken precedence over my riding my scooter. As much as I like it and work at Fullerton Vintage, I can’t always find the time ride my scooter. Part of my job is also running around in my car and shipping parts and getting parts. Again I am not a complaining, this is just the truth.

On a recent ride, yeah no surprise I was really rusty. I am not making excuses. I will be getting back on my scoot and getting back my “sea legs” as it were. I do want to get my scooter painted and other things, it hasn’t been totally just sitting in the garage, Recently, my husband has been driving my scooter. I have used my scooter; I still love “Sam”.

I still love scooters, I can’t say I am always excited about them since I see them every day. That’s the thing about turning a hobby into a business. You get bogged down with the tedium that is everyday life, picking up parts and waiting for the next order to come in and before you know it it’s Friday afternoon and you wonder where the time went.

The truth is you can’t spend all your time just focused on riding, there are other important things to be done. Like writing a book, or paying the rent.

Dancing

I have recently taken up belly dancing. There is a class at the place I take exercise classes and after watching a few times, I thought, why not?

Okay, the truth is you really can’t stop me from dancing. I have always been a dancer. When I was three I had a baby sitter that used to be a professional dancer. Photos I saw of her dressed in tights and a pink tutu was enough to capture my imagination, however the first time I was put into a tutu, I was a goner.

The feel of cool satin against my chest and looking down to see toile jetting out from my hips was foreign in a fun way. It makes you feel like you are suddenly able to fly. Of course, I tested out that theory right away by running all over the house like a crazed bee.

Since then I have taken Ballet, Jazz and now Belly-dancing. Never Tap, the sound of the floor and having to practice seemed to be too much noise for my mother when I was young. And now, it doesn’t appeal to me.

Things that come to mind are grace and timing, discipline. I have always admired dancers and take time to see the Ballet when they come into town, from time to time.

I don’t mind the Ballet instructors coming over and straightening me out, or reminding me to hold my hands a certain way. The same happens in all the classes I take. I never chaff at this, but use it as a way to do better.

Many people I know hate to hear these types of critiques, but really how do you know if you are doing it right if no one tells you?

One thing I always try to do, since I grew up with too much harsh critiques, is to complement. As much as I can I always try to let people know that I care and that I think they are great. Some times it might come out sounding corny, but at least I said it and didn’t hold back telling my friends that I care. I never regret it.

Of course I could always take them out dancing as well, and after a bit who cares if I know all the steps. As long as I am having fun! In the mean time at work I can metally dance up and down the block, with my ipod on.

Paddling out

A warm April Sunday afternoon and I am driving to the beach. Since I am still learning, I don’t have to get up early for the good surf.

This week has been so horrible and the thought of lying in the sand for a while brings a smile to my face. I have been going to the same spot all winter and now I am getting to know the lay of the sand. I know where there is a dip in sand as I walk out into the water, so I try to avoid it.


I found out this week, through a series of mean-spirited emails from some former friends, what they really thought of me. I have tried not to let it get to me, but the words are ringing in my ears. “Stupid, her work will never be published. Just a stupid receptionist, she has never earned her money. You live in a crappy house and a crappy neighborhood.” While I know these wholesale generalizations are not true, I also know something else: when under stress, a person’s true character is revealed.

While these things were said with little provocation, it brought up sentiments that I was not prepared for. Here I am really the office manager at my job, and the woman and her husband who said those mean things don’t know that. This woman is also not impressed by me.

I have traveled to Europe quite a bit and have a few nice things, it’s true I live in a modest house in a modest neighborhood. My husband and I have achieved a measure of success but have not been ones to flaunt it. I don’t drive a Mercedes and I don’t live in a big house in the ‘right’ neighborhood. All of this is quite on purpose.

I have never wanted to be that pretentious. We have owned houses in very upscale neighborhoods and stayed there, one thing I have found out is this, and the people that live there are so fussy and they always want everyone to be quiet. In short it’s no fun to live there.

In my neighborhood in Fullerton, with mostly Hispanics, there is always a party going on. Yes, I have to drive slowly since there are tons of children that don’t seem to know that sidewalks are for walking and the paved road is for cars, yet there is life and humor and real people here- something I don’t want to trade for gilded trophy cars.

The fact that this very materialistic woman is not impressed with me is a mark of success. It means I haven’t been ostentatious. It means I have done my job well. No one knows what a fabulous life I lead. They have no idea I host champagne brunches and that my guest are treated to the best brie cheese in the county or that I make a mean Cosmo. I could go on, but I won’t

There is a small crowd at the beach. I walk my board out to the sand and put down my beach bag. This weekly ritual has helped me put things into perspective; I mean what do I really need? My board, my bag, something to read, anything more and it’s just too heavy to carry.

My board is waxed and I zip up my wetsuit. The Pacific is in front of me and I start to walk out. Some of what they said has done its job, it does hurt. Dear God, help me think of a reason to go on, to continue to write and keep sending out the first chapter of my fiction project. In the last few months, I have been getting rejection letters and sending out “Thank-you’s” like a good girl.

I wade out into the water and the endless horizon is in front of me. The water is up to my waist and I put the board down and get on. Then it comes to me; I am going to keep writing to prove them wrong. Admittedly not the best reason, but reason enough.

The first wave hits the board and I paddle over it, a small cold splash of saltwater hits my face and I taste it. The next small wave comes and I keep paddling. Before I know it I’m out past the jetty. Some more water hits the nap of my neck; even that shock of cold water feels good.

It’s not a good day for surf and paddling out over these baby waves is more like putting my board in a big swimming pool, but I’m not here to get big waves. I’m just here to work on my form. Keeping my legs together, centered on the board and strong back, paddle.

I get tired I paddle to the shore and pull my board out. It’s getting late in the day. I take a long, last-look at the ocean before I leave and thank God for such a wonderful view, it’s hard to leave. I’ll be back next Sunday.

Weather

One of the most tiresome conversations in the world is when people complain about the weather! I know when you have nothing to say some one it is a safe bet and polite to mention the weather, but complaining endlessly is just a waste of time.

We all mention the weather and we watch the new reports to see what to wear the next day. I guess I just can’t stand having to endure some one going on and on about something they have no control over it.


As it is I live in Southern California, known for its good weather. In my travels people ask me silly questions like “does it every really rain there?” referencing a song. I tell them yes, it does, but it seems to get better by the weekend. Sometimes is does feel that way. Looking at miles of shoreline helps pick me up, and feel like there are endless possibilities.

I question my own optimism sometimes and I have to think; maybe it has to do with where I live. I do get down sometimes, everyone does. But the fact of the matter here in SoCal, it will be sunny again tomorrow. Can things really be that bad? They will infact get better, right?

My friends who live in places with long winters don’t share my ‘sunny moods’ and they get the blues for a lot longer. They have months where they have to stay in and be quite and it too cold to go out. The winters are always this way and will be that way again. So they have such a different outlook on life, as if they feel things will get bad and then maybe worse.

It’s not that either is more correct. (Unless you ask people that think they are right and they will tell you what’s what. So don’t ask.) It just seems that if you live in a warmer area of the earth the people there are happier and friendly. The ones that live in colder areas can be warm, once you get to know them.

One thing I do know, I don’t go on and on about the weather. I like it when it warm and I love cold blustery days. I am just glad I am alive and live in So Cal; I know the rest of the country is so jealous. ;-)

First Day

I spent the first day of this year alone at the beach. It was cold and the water was freezing and somehow I still loved it.

It can be difficult to share the beach that has been yours all winter to the summer crowd. It makes you feel like they shouldn’t be there. I don’t know why, there are only miles and miles of ocean here in Southern California and plenty of room. I guess we all get a little territorial at times.

It was really windy by my house buy not at the beach. It was so clear you could see all the mountains and Catalina looked closer than ever. There were only a few people out and only three of us in the water, but it were fun just the same.

I had to put my wet suit on before even attempting to go into the ocean. I still did, just like I did all last winter. Last summer I had to put on my ipod to drown out the conversations of teenagers. Boys and girls that talked too much about nothing much, this time it was nice and quite. There was one dog near buy, but he wasn’t too loud. This time I listen to music just to relax.

At my house there are six puppies to make lots of noise. It was really nice to have some peace and quite. I wasn’t hung over and it didn’t really feel like a new year, but I hadn’t been to the beach in a few weeks and I just really needed to get out.

It was just a brief visit and I had to get back home, and pick up the ham dinner I had ordered. Even with all the big meals around this time of year I was able to lose four pounds. I made sure not to over eat and to keep doing some type of exercise.

I took a deep breath and gathered up my things. The smell of salt water stayed in my hair all the way home. There were only two cops that I saw, so I was able to do 80 all the way home. Not a bad way to start off the first day of the year.

Parts is Parts

As a child of divorce I always wanted my weekends with my father to be fun, Disneyland and beach time. I wanted it to be a big deal, since we didn’t get much time together.

It turned out to be boring and normal. My dad re-married and there was my older stepbrother and two stepsisters. So to them, I was the pesky kid who was too young to play Monopoly with and just old enough to tell on them when they did wrong.

Sometimes my dad would take my real sister and I to run errands with him on Saturday mornings, after cartoons. We ended up at Pep-boys and other car part shops, and I was bored to no end. I hated it and couldn’t get the smell of tires out of my noise. I wished I had a nosegay or some perfume on my wrist to smell.

He used to get this beer that looked like the yellow Pennzoil can. I know he had to use a can opener with the triangle part to pop it open. I am sure they don’t make them any more. It wasn’t that he was a gear-head; he just tried to fix what he could on his own. I remember that he used to get the beer at the same time as the parts and would drink it during and after fixing the car.

The irony is that now I work at Fullerton Vintage and buy parts all the time. The kids that work at the local Auto Zone see me all the time. We also get parts from Mick at the Scooter Shop, in Orange. I am there several times a week. As well as trips to Ace hardware and Cycle Gear, is there more? Yes, Internet shopping, all for scooter parts. So if everything happens for a reason, were those boring Saturday’s preparation for my life now?

Quite possibly, at any rate, I still get bored. Not that I am complaining, I just remember to bring a book to read while my boss and good friend Chris gets the things we need. I finished reading 6 books last year. I also have my ipod to listen to while the boys get parts and talk about scooter stuff. So if anything, I have learned how to entertain myself while the men take care of business.

I am not close with my father and he knows none of this. I guess I don’t want give him the satisfaction of being proud of me for turning our Saturday ritual into something practical, since he has been absent most of my life and can’t take the credit for bringing me up. Plus if I call him, I know he won’t want to hear about what I had to buy. After all…….Parts is parts.