Dreams

In one installment of the Simpson’s a young boy, Ralph is told by the teacher to take a nap. He says, “Oh boy sleep, that’s where I’m a Viking!”

It’s that the same for all of us? We can fly or be a different person, bolder than we would normally be. In a few recent dreams I got a bunch of tattoos on my hands, neck and chest. Exactly the places I would never get a tattoo.

I also saved the day when a fellow work mate ordered up a film crew to his shop and then promptly took off without letting anyone know where he was going. I was called along with my co-worker Chris and we had to go save the day.

In the goals that I try to reach out for I get very upset when things don’t come together as fast or the way the way that I want them to. It could be from a lifetime of TV viewing and wanting things to get wrapped up in a half-hour. Or it could be my own ego wanting things go be just so. Sure there are things we can’t control, and it still sticks.

The book project I have been working on is about making a success out of failure. It has been difficult to keep positive about the whole process. Ironically the book is about some one that is trying to make a positive out of a negative situation. To finish this project I had to do that by keeping the thought, “No matter how bad these jobs are, I can use them for material in the book.”

That way of thinking has got me through a lot of bad times. And even now, getting a rejection letter from an agent and my husband is sick and we have to go on a road trip that we don’t want to go on. I want to cry and wallow in self pity…….and then I think, I could use this in another story. I want to even push that out of my head so I can whine more, but then, I really can’t. I have to go on and I really want to see my book published and I have to keep going to see it through.

The bummer thing is that I am going inland for my trip and I would rather go to the beach. I want to lie in the sand and hear the ocean next to me. I really need to get back out into the water; it will make me feel better. I dream of the waves pounding on the Hawaiian shore and the blue waters and it cheers me up. I have a dream of attending my book party and I don’t want to miss that. Yes I still have dreams and goals I want to see come to fruition.

Cheap Seats

In these hard times, we need little pick me ups. Anything on discount and free are the things I am looking for. Most of the theater groups and orchestras’ are giving out discounted performances. Also there are a lot of events at South Coast Plaza that have free drinks and eats.

We were able to see a musical recently since there was a discount on some of the seats. They called it their “economic stimulus rates”. Keep an eye out for such discounts and ask for them. FedEx Kinko’s gave out free resumes the other day.

If you have any cash left store closings or moving can be a godsend. With Circuit City going out of business people can get new flat screens at dirty cheap prices. The shop where I get my corsets is having a moving sale and I hope to get in on some good deals this Friday.

We recently found a nice seafood restaurant that has reasonable prices all the time on dinners. It was about 50.00 for two, with wine and dessert. It’s The Seafarer Inn located in Whitter on Whittier blvd. It is mostly an older crowd but they do have good scallops and nice calamari. I know these prices still are not cheap for everyone, I just use them as a example.

If we don’t look a little harder and find these discounts, we end up staying home all the time and that can just get depressing. Sure I have my chickens that will start laying eggs by the summer and my dogs. But they are only entertaining for so much.

We are also going to see Lady Ga Ga in San Diego this week. Her tickets were hard to come by and some people on Ebay and Craig’s list were holding out for a lot of money. That’s great but if they hold to them for too long, you are going to get stuck with tickets you didn’t use. People just don’t have money to be spending tons on concerts.

We have been getting season tickets for the Pacific Symphony Orchestra every summer. This year we are going to have to cut back to only a few seats. We have hosted a lot of our friends over the years but we just can’t do it this year. I am so glad we had a big group for the last performance last summer. We didn’t know that it would be so different for us this year.

Things I am grateful in these hard times, being able to borrow a top for my belly dancing performance. The fact that I can invite my friends to a place that doesn’t have a cover charge, it makes it easier to advertise. I have my croc pot to fill up with beans and eat for a while. I am also not too proud to get the cheap seats. Sure they might be in the back, but I have been buying nice things to wear over the years and I can still look decent, no matter where I sit.

Right now

I have not been able to go out the beach with all this rain. I do take care and I don’t go out after a rain storm, too dirty. It has also been cold and I would need my booties as well. Not that much fun to surf like that, but it can be done.

In the mean time I have been raising my chicks and they are getting bigger every day. It true I need to pay attention to them right now. For exercise I have been keeping up with my dancing and I have an upcoming performance March 8th at Coffee Haven in Long Beach. There will be another date April 19th. They are both Sundays and there is no cover charge.

The bad thing is that I haven’t had the time to myself I usually do. Time to clear my head and be alone for a while; right now I am just doing things for everyone else. It’s not that I don’t normally it’s just that I usually get a break. With no break in sight it makes me ants-y.

Right now I have too much time to worry about everything and everyone. I am getting a bit stir-crazy. I miss the taste of salt water and the smell of the ocean as soon as I get to the beach. With the windows rolled down just so I can smell it.

There has been a lot on my plate and a lot to worry about. Times are tough and not getting that much better. The only plain I have is to be more frugal therefore I get some laying hens. The dancing is to get myself some tip money and keep dancing so I lose weight. I don’t want to gain anything and then once its clear get back on my board and just about sink it.

The great thing about all the rain is that my lettuce and tomatoes are growing. As well as my flowers, in the next month or so I should have a good head start to my summer garden.

Yesterday I was stuck in my writing and had to take a walk around the block just to clear my head. I hadn’t slept well either and that hadn’t helped. The thing that was bothering me the most was really being cooped up so much. I did get to go to a show and a reading last week, so it’s not that I have been staying home. I just needed to get some fresh air. Those things are fun but they are city things. I really like being in the water and doing something good for myself. Sometimes I need to go to museums and shows. I also need to get into the water and that’s what is missing right now.

Too Much

In an effort to be an interesting person, this has led me to take on different projects; such as my belly dancing, surfing, and raising my dogs and now my chickens.

It’s true I have a lot on my plate and usually do. Why not? I don’t want to be lazy and I don’t have children to pick up from school or take to the dentist, or buy Jonas Brother’s trapper-keepers or Hanna Montana DVD’s. I do rest and watch an inordinate amount of movies. I enjoy scripted comedies instead of reality shows. I feel a duty to support my fellow writers that work hard on scripts and screenplays rather than watch d-list celebs have a group therapy session.

In an effort to not be like my mother, I have tried to listen to people rather than do all the talking or expecting to be the center of attention at all times. I have also made an effort to be supportive of the men in my life, something my mother did not do. I have also made an effort to be generous; my mother always had her hand out. I also know that we all need down time and need to be alone or with other friends and not always with me. There is also a need to tell people from time to time that you think they are fabulous, if you really feel it and I have done that.

In truth I just don’t want to be boring and when I open my mouth and have something interesting to say. I like surprising my friends by announcing I am going to get laying hens and then getting them. I want to be a doer, not a talker, like so many others.

The question that comes up is this. Is it too much and do I end up sounding like a know-it-all windbag? Is it too overwhelming for others to be around me? In my effort to not be like my mother, am I indeed turning out like her and wanting all the attention? Okay more than one question.

One thing I don’t want is for it to be a chore to be around me. I don’t want people to keep trying to find ways to shut me up. If we do this maybe she will be quiet, shut up, and settle down. Is it really that bad for me to be so passionate?

I guess it is something I need to work on. Not being over bearing and I need to dial back on telling everyone, everything that I am doing. I don’t know exactly how I am going to do that, I suppose being quite more often. Why should I come to this conclusion? I find myself by myself more and more. The ironic thing is that when I am by myself I keep busy and do interesting things so I can tell my friends later. Of course I could be just a hopeless case and it will have to be too much after all. ???

Pathetic

All of us have to deal with ups and downs in relationships. Be it boyfriends, girlfriend’s husbands and wives. Sometimes we get to spot where we really have to look long and hard at what we are doing to ourselves and each other.

With my family, my mother and sister I got to a point where I could no longer around them since it was such a toxic relationship. After all the years of them being mean to me it was not going to get any better, so for my personal growth I had to get away from them. Some still stay around toxic parents claiming it’s to honor the family bond, but if they are horrid to you, aren’t you just being pathetic and letting yourself get hurt over and over?

The good thing about boyfriends and girlfriends, they can break up and go their separate ways and not waste time hurting each other over again. I just had a friend leave his girlfriend that was horrid to him. She was a psycho woman that broke up with him every month. Another in a long line of psycho girls, he has only ever dated one woman, his mother. Also a psycho and it always ends badly just like with her. In a way it’s what he wants since he doesn’t want to get married or have children. Will the next girl be different? Doubtful, it does make getting back together with the last one pathetic.

In a marriage you have made a vow to be together for better or for worse. With that kind of commitment, when does bad behavior and tolerating it become pathetic? People try to work it out and that is to be admired since they did take that vow. We all have to come to our own conclusion. Is it just working things out, is it being supportive or is it just getting hurt all over again? We all have to come to a point where we pull up our heads and decide not to be a victim. No one can tell us when we need to do that. It is easy to see others bad patterns and not our own.

We see our friends suffer and the only thing we can do is be supportive. We may know exactly what is going to happen next. We want to grab them before the walk off the bridge and hold their arm; only we have to let them see it themselves. It’s so hard to be there for them when we see them go head long into certain doom. All we can do is to be there for them later, when they need us.

Each one of us has to look at our lives for ourselves. As much as we want to tell our friends not to be with this or that person, we can’t tell them what to do. It is never received well if we just tell them. At least when it’s all over with we can have a good laugh at ourselves. What was that anyway? I don’t know that was all you! We are all looking for someone to care for us and that is not pathetic, it’s just the truth.

Spring Chicks

Not raised on a farm I have not been around chickens all my life or anything. This weekend we picked up 7 baby chicks. Three road island reds and three Americana’s and one black one.

I had no idea they had such distinct personalities. The reds are very sweet and they all hang out together. The Americana’s are very independent and like to sleep alone some of the times.

There is one girl that is set to rule the roost. She is the first one to try to peck me; she seems to think it is her job to protect the others. A mother hen sort of thing, I keep telling her I am not going to hurt any of them. If she keeps being uppity, I will have no problem putting her in the boiling pot 1st. She is very pretty and that’s why I chose her, but she has so much attitude. Which is why I am thinking of calling her Juno, like the Greek goddess, that was pretty but mean.

I haven’t decided on names for all of them yet. I was thinking of naming them after breakfast foods. Like Pancakes and home fries, and bacon all the things that go with eggs. Their reason for getting these breeds of chickens was to get colored eggs, I figured if I am going through all the trouble of raising laying hens, I might was well see some nice pretty eggs as well.

In the projects that I take on, I don’t want to just feel I deserve the better things in life, I want to be one of the better things in life. I want to know about fashion and motorbikes and raising hens and dancing and surfing. The more you know about different things the more interesting conversations you can have. For my writing these experiences enhance my own life, so I can use these details in my stories. My characters will have rich lives to draw upon in their expressions. Plus it has been said, the most sophisticated thing to do is to pack it all in and leave the city for country life. What do you think all those people are doing with country homes and estates? They are raising horses, chickens or prize-winning dogs.

Also in these uncertain times we can all do something to cut expenses. Our grandparents grew their own veggies and had live stock as well. To that end I have also planted some lettuce, tomatoes, cilantro, chives, red onions, and strawberries. They didn’t have the chilies I wanted just yet at the nursery. That will have to wait. It may be winter still everywhere else, but for me it’s already spring and time to get going with my plans for summer.

Normal

For me it is normal to go to the beach, in fact if I don’t get to go and at least put my feet in the water, I get edgy. A few years ago I went on a vacation and spent so much time on dry land I had to dive into the hotel pool as soon as I could.

I have made it a habit to exercise everyday now. If I don’t it makes the whole day go wrong. It is also normal for me to go to my classes on Monday night. It used to be my norm to walk the dogs but that has passed onto my man.

It was my normal thing to host my friend for dinner every Sunday. That was for the last five years. Not doing so in the last few months has felt wrong and I don’t like it. It made me clean up more and worries about a good meal for Sunday. Now my game is all off and my house isn’t as clean as it could be. Without the idea that someone is coming over, what’s the point? Sure I clean it for myself, just not as well as I have before. The only thing that has returned to normal was helping my friend with their laundry.

This is now my 4th year of regular exercise. I have the goal weight in my mind that I want to be at on my next birthday. I only have that as a marker to give me a goal. Not that it is a big deal with this birthday than any others. It’s just where I want to be. To that end I have been making great strides.

The last year has been great, since I have been doing my belly dancing. I have noticed that all my clothes are fitting me loser. I have shed some pounds and still doing well. With upcoming performances in March, it helps me to keep up with the dancing. One reason: to be ready to perform the second: to keep up with my routine. This last Monday at my belly dance class my hip scarf fell off my hips to the ground. That has never happened, it was great and I feel like I am making progress.

Trying to keep to my normal schedule isn’t always easy and I get tired sometimes. Sometimes I get to feel like I am too scheduled and need a break. Most of the time I keep to my schedule and I get a lot done. The whole reason for all this, is that I like to do nothing and daydream and watch TV and surf the net. If I don’t have some structure I will get nothing done. That’s what’s normal for me.