In an effort to be an interesting person, this has led me to take on different projects; such as my belly dancing, surfing, and raising my dogs and now my chickens.
It’s true I have a lot on my plate and usually do. Why not? I don’t want to be lazy and I don’t have children to pick up from school or take to the dentist, or buy Jonas Brother’s trapper-keepers or Hanna Montana DVD’s. I do rest and watch an inordinate amount of movies. I enjoy scripted comedies instead of reality shows. I feel a duty to support my fellow writers that work hard on scripts and screenplays rather than watch d-list celebs have a group therapy session.
In an effort to not be like my mother, I have tried to listen to people rather than do all the talking or expecting to be the center of attention at all times. I have also made an effort to be supportive of the men in my life, something my mother did not do. I have also made an effort to be generous; my mother always had her hand out. I also know that we all need down time and need to be alone or with other friends and not always with me. There is also a need to tell people from time to time that you think they are fabulous, if you really feel it and I have done that.
In truth I just don’t want to be boring and when I open my mouth and have something interesting to say. I like surprising my friends by announcing I am going to get laying hens and then getting them. I want to be a doer, not a talker, like so many others.
The question that comes up is this. Is it too much and do I end up sounding like a know-it-all windbag? Is it too overwhelming for others to be around me? In my effort to not be like my mother, am I indeed turning out like her and wanting all the attention? Okay more than one question.
One thing I don’t want is for it to be a chore to be around me. I don’t want people to keep trying to find ways to shut me up. If we do this maybe she will be quiet, shut up, and settle down. Is it really that bad for me to be so passionate?
I guess it is something I need to work on. Not being over bearing and I need to dial back on telling everyone, everything that I am doing. I don’t know exactly how I am going to do that, I suppose being quite more often. Why should I come to this conclusion? I find myself by myself more and more. The ironic thing is that when I am by myself I keep busy and do interesting things so I can tell my friends later. Of course I could be just a hopeless case and it will have to be too much after all. ???
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Pathetic
All of us have to deal with ups and downs in relationships. Be it boyfriends, girlfriend’s husbands and wives. Sometimes we get to spot where we really have to look long and hard at what we are doing to ourselves and each other.
With my family, my mother and sister I got to a point where I could no longer around them since it was such a toxic relationship. After all the years of them being mean to me it was not going to get any better, so for my personal growth I had to get away from them. Some still stay around toxic parents claiming it’s to honor the family bond, but if they are horrid to you, aren’t you just being pathetic and letting yourself get hurt over and over?
The good thing about boyfriends and girlfriends, they can break up and go their separate ways and not waste time hurting each other over again. I just had a friend leave his girlfriend that was horrid to him. She was a psycho woman that broke up with him every month. Another in a long line of psycho girls, he has only ever dated one woman, his mother. Also a psycho and it always ends badly just like with her. In a way it’s what he wants since he doesn’t want to get married or have children. Will the next girl be different? Doubtful, it does make getting back together with the last one pathetic.
In a marriage you have made a vow to be together for better or for worse. With that kind of commitment, when does bad behavior and tolerating it become pathetic? People try to work it out and that is to be admired since they did take that vow. We all have to come to our own conclusion. Is it just working things out, is it being supportive or is it just getting hurt all over again? We all have to come to a point where we pull up our heads and decide not to be a victim. No one can tell us when we need to do that. It is easy to see others bad patterns and not our own.
We see our friends suffer and the only thing we can do is be supportive. We may know exactly what is going to happen next. We want to grab them before the walk off the bridge and hold their arm; only we have to let them see it themselves. It’s so hard to be there for them when we see them go head long into certain doom. All we can do is to be there for them later, when they need us.
Each one of us has to look at our lives for ourselves. As much as we want to tell our friends not to be with this or that person, we can’t tell them what to do. It is never received well if we just tell them. At least when it’s all over with we can have a good laugh at ourselves. What was that anyway? I don’t know that was all you! We are all looking for someone to care for us and that is not pathetic, it’s just the truth.
With my family, my mother and sister I got to a point where I could no longer around them since it was such a toxic relationship. After all the years of them being mean to me it was not going to get any better, so for my personal growth I had to get away from them. Some still stay around toxic parents claiming it’s to honor the family bond, but if they are horrid to you, aren’t you just being pathetic and letting yourself get hurt over and over?
The good thing about boyfriends and girlfriends, they can break up and go their separate ways and not waste time hurting each other over again. I just had a friend leave his girlfriend that was horrid to him. She was a psycho woman that broke up with him every month. Another in a long line of psycho girls, he has only ever dated one woman, his mother. Also a psycho and it always ends badly just like with her. In a way it’s what he wants since he doesn’t want to get married or have children. Will the next girl be different? Doubtful, it does make getting back together with the last one pathetic.
In a marriage you have made a vow to be together for better or for worse. With that kind of commitment, when does bad behavior and tolerating it become pathetic? People try to work it out and that is to be admired since they did take that vow. We all have to come to our own conclusion. Is it just working things out, is it being supportive or is it just getting hurt all over again? We all have to come to a point where we pull up our heads and decide not to be a victim. No one can tell us when we need to do that. It is easy to see others bad patterns and not our own.
We see our friends suffer and the only thing we can do is be supportive. We may know exactly what is going to happen next. We want to grab them before the walk off the bridge and hold their arm; only we have to let them see it themselves. It’s so hard to be there for them when we see them go head long into certain doom. All we can do is to be there for them later, when they need us.
Each one of us has to look at our lives for ourselves. As much as we want to tell our friends not to be with this or that person, we can’t tell them what to do. It is never received well if we just tell them. At least when it’s all over with we can have a good laugh at ourselves. What was that anyway? I don’t know that was all you! We are all looking for someone to care for us and that is not pathetic, it’s just the truth.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Spring Chicks
Not raised on a farm I have not been around chickens all my life or anything. This weekend we picked up 7 baby chicks. Three road island reds and three Americana’s and one black one.
I had no idea they had such distinct personalities. The reds are very sweet and they all hang out together. The Americana’s are very independent and like to sleep alone some of the times.
There is one girl that is set to rule the roost. She is the first one to try to peck me; she seems to think it is her job to protect the others. A mother hen sort of thing, I keep telling her I am not going to hurt any of them. If she keeps being uppity, I will have no problem putting her in the boiling pot 1st. She is very pretty and that’s why I chose her, but she has so much attitude. Which is why I am thinking of calling her Juno, like the Greek goddess, that was pretty but mean.
I haven’t decided on names for all of them yet. I was thinking of naming them after breakfast foods. Like Pancakes and home fries, and bacon all the things that go with eggs. Their reason for getting these breeds of chickens was to get colored eggs, I figured if I am going through all the trouble of raising laying hens, I might was well see some nice pretty eggs as well.
In the projects that I take on, I don’t want to just feel I deserve the better things in life, I want to be one of the better things in life. I want to know about fashion and motorbikes and raising hens and dancing and surfing. The more you know about different things the more interesting conversations you can have. For my writing these experiences enhance my own life, so I can use these details in my stories. My characters will have rich lives to draw upon in their expressions. Plus it has been said, the most sophisticated thing to do is to pack it all in and leave the city for country life. What do you think all those people are doing with country homes and estates? They are raising horses, chickens or prize-winning dogs.
Also in these uncertain times we can all do something to cut expenses. Our grandparents grew their own veggies and had live stock as well. To that end I have also planted some lettuce, tomatoes, cilantro, chives, red onions, and strawberries. They didn’t have the chilies I wanted just yet at the nursery. That will have to wait. It may be winter still everywhere else, but for me it’s already spring and time to get going with my plans for summer.
I had no idea they had such distinct personalities. The reds are very sweet and they all hang out together. The Americana’s are very independent and like to sleep alone some of the times.
There is one girl that is set to rule the roost. She is the first one to try to peck me; she seems to think it is her job to protect the others. A mother hen sort of thing, I keep telling her I am not going to hurt any of them. If she keeps being uppity, I will have no problem putting her in the boiling pot 1st. She is very pretty and that’s why I chose her, but she has so much attitude. Which is why I am thinking of calling her Juno, like the Greek goddess, that was pretty but mean.
I haven’t decided on names for all of them yet. I was thinking of naming them after breakfast foods. Like Pancakes and home fries, and bacon all the things that go with eggs. Their reason for getting these breeds of chickens was to get colored eggs, I figured if I am going through all the trouble of raising laying hens, I might was well see some nice pretty eggs as well.
In the projects that I take on, I don’t want to just feel I deserve the better things in life, I want to be one of the better things in life. I want to know about fashion and motorbikes and raising hens and dancing and surfing. The more you know about different things the more interesting conversations you can have. For my writing these experiences enhance my own life, so I can use these details in my stories. My characters will have rich lives to draw upon in their expressions. Plus it has been said, the most sophisticated thing to do is to pack it all in and leave the city for country life. What do you think all those people are doing with country homes and estates? They are raising horses, chickens or prize-winning dogs.
Also in these uncertain times we can all do something to cut expenses. Our grandparents grew their own veggies and had live stock as well. To that end I have also planted some lettuce, tomatoes, cilantro, chives, red onions, and strawberries. They didn’t have the chilies I wanted just yet at the nursery. That will have to wait. It may be winter still everywhere else, but for me it’s already spring and time to get going with my plans for summer.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Normal
For me it is normal to go to the beach, in fact if I don’t get to go and at least put my feet in the water, I get edgy. A few years ago I went on a vacation and spent so much time on dry land I had to dive into the hotel pool as soon as I could.
I have made it a habit to exercise everyday now. If I don’t it makes the whole day go wrong. It is also normal for me to go to my classes on Monday night. It used to be my norm to walk the dogs but that has passed onto my man.
It was my normal thing to host my friend for dinner every Sunday. That was for the last five years. Not doing so in the last few months has felt wrong and I don’t like it. It made me clean up more and worries about a good meal for Sunday. Now my game is all off and my house isn’t as clean as it could be. Without the idea that someone is coming over, what’s the point? Sure I clean it for myself, just not as well as I have before. The only thing that has returned to normal was helping my friend with their laundry.
This is now my 4th year of regular exercise. I have the goal weight in my mind that I want to be at on my next birthday. I only have that as a marker to give me a goal. Not that it is a big deal with this birthday than any others. It’s just where I want to be. To that end I have been making great strides.
The last year has been great, since I have been doing my belly dancing. I have noticed that all my clothes are fitting me loser. I have shed some pounds and still doing well. With upcoming performances in March, it helps me to keep up with the dancing. One reason: to be ready to perform the second: to keep up with my routine. This last Monday at my belly dance class my hip scarf fell off my hips to the ground. That has never happened, it was great and I feel like I am making progress.
Trying to keep to my normal schedule isn’t always easy and I get tired sometimes. Sometimes I get to feel like I am too scheduled and need a break. Most of the time I keep to my schedule and I get a lot done. The whole reason for all this, is that I like to do nothing and daydream and watch TV and surf the net. If I don’t have some structure I will get nothing done. That’s what’s normal for me.
I have made it a habit to exercise everyday now. If I don’t it makes the whole day go wrong. It is also normal for me to go to my classes on Monday night. It used to be my norm to walk the dogs but that has passed onto my man.
It was my normal thing to host my friend for dinner every Sunday. That was for the last five years. Not doing so in the last few months has felt wrong and I don’t like it. It made me clean up more and worries about a good meal for Sunday. Now my game is all off and my house isn’t as clean as it could be. Without the idea that someone is coming over, what’s the point? Sure I clean it for myself, just not as well as I have before. The only thing that has returned to normal was helping my friend with their laundry.
This is now my 4th year of regular exercise. I have the goal weight in my mind that I want to be at on my next birthday. I only have that as a marker to give me a goal. Not that it is a big deal with this birthday than any others. It’s just where I want to be. To that end I have been making great strides.
The last year has been great, since I have been doing my belly dancing. I have noticed that all my clothes are fitting me loser. I have shed some pounds and still doing well. With upcoming performances in March, it helps me to keep up with the dancing. One reason: to be ready to perform the second: to keep up with my routine. This last Monday at my belly dance class my hip scarf fell off my hips to the ground. That has never happened, it was great and I feel like I am making progress.
Trying to keep to my normal schedule isn’t always easy and I get tired sometimes. Sometimes I get to feel like I am too scheduled and need a break. Most of the time I keep to my schedule and I get a lot done. The whole reason for all this, is that I like to do nothing and daydream and watch TV and surf the net. If I don’t have some structure I will get nothing done. That’s what’s normal for me.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Lightweights
I went to a wedding recently. We had to deal with some lightweights. It was fun though. It’s not that I want my friends to be alcoholics, but if they do over do it, we need to be prepared. Good thing they had a room to go to, otherwise we would have all had to go home early.
Not that drinking is the only place a person can be a lightweight. Some are emotional lightweights. You can put on Kevlar vests and carry weapons but only God can heal your real heart. The armor cannot protect you from emotional damages. Some drink to fight off the bad feelings, but in the morning they are still there. That is a very immature way of dealing with things. Instead of facing them head on, they need to be softened by an alcohol buzz. Only prayer helps you to face things head on, otherwise all of us would resort to drugs.
Others are lightweights when it comes to helping out. They will only do a little and then stop. For some reason these people are also the biggest talkers. They act like they do tons of things, but its all talk. People that really do things don’t have to make you think they did stuff, they show you what they have done. Here is the cabin I built; here is the dish I cooked. If you only hear about what they do and never see them in action, how can you know if they really did anything? Martha Stewart shows all the stuff she does, but you know she can’t do it all alone. She hires staff to do the gardening while she does the TV Show. Plus she has more than on house, she can’t clean them all herself.
Then there is the worst, the religious lightweight. The one that has no faith and doesn’t believe in God at all, like not believing is going to make Him not exist. It seems that disbelief in God helps people commit crimes and produce horrible weapons. If there is no one to be accountable to and we are the only ones here, than it’s easier to hate others.
We all have things we need to work on. No one is perfect, but maybe we can just do one good thing every day. Whatever you believe, it’s never wrong to do the right thing. We can be heavyweights in the art of compassion.
Not that drinking is the only place a person can be a lightweight. Some are emotional lightweights. You can put on Kevlar vests and carry weapons but only God can heal your real heart. The armor cannot protect you from emotional damages. Some drink to fight off the bad feelings, but in the morning they are still there. That is a very immature way of dealing with things. Instead of facing them head on, they need to be softened by an alcohol buzz. Only prayer helps you to face things head on, otherwise all of us would resort to drugs.
Others are lightweights when it comes to helping out. They will only do a little and then stop. For some reason these people are also the biggest talkers. They act like they do tons of things, but its all talk. People that really do things don’t have to make you think they did stuff, they show you what they have done. Here is the cabin I built; here is the dish I cooked. If you only hear about what they do and never see them in action, how can you know if they really did anything? Martha Stewart shows all the stuff she does, but you know she can’t do it all alone. She hires staff to do the gardening while she does the TV Show. Plus she has more than on house, she can’t clean them all herself.
Then there is the worst, the religious lightweight. The one that has no faith and doesn’t believe in God at all, like not believing is going to make Him not exist. It seems that disbelief in God helps people commit crimes and produce horrible weapons. If there is no one to be accountable to and we are the only ones here, than it’s easier to hate others.
We all have things we need to work on. No one is perfect, but maybe we can just do one good thing every day. Whatever you believe, it’s never wrong to do the right thing. We can be heavyweights in the art of compassion.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Out there
This last weekend I was able to get out there again and go to the beach. It was nice and warm. The water was freezing and no one was out there without a wet suit. There were about 35 surfers just in the section I was at.
It was good to get out of the house and be in the water and then lie in the warm sun and dry off. I played with the sand and found a stick of driftwood and drew in the sand. Only after I smoothed out a spot and made it nice and clean, like a piece of paper. I took time to give thanks God for the ocean and the wonderful sea with all its creatures. Like the little sea-horses that look like they are branches of seaweed. I have seen a lot of them at the aquarium. I don’t mind seeing jelly fish, as long as they are behind thick Plexiglas.
The other animals I like are the otters, they look so happy and play and swim fast. They seem as if they don’t have a care in the world. In some of the tours I have taken it’s been noted that the less predators the animals have the more they are free to learn tricks. Since the Shamus Wales are high up on the food change they can learn to do all sorts of tricks.
I didn’t see any dolphins this time, lots of pelicans and the seagulls of course.
Since it was warm there were many more families than is normal for January. At this time of year it just the surfers and a few joggers. Sometimes families with dogs are there and always people on beach cursers, but they are just getting around.
After my session, I went to get something to eat. It was too late to go to the local hang out. I would be waiting for too long. As I left I saw a group of guys on motorcycles. Since I ride my scooter, and have been on tons of rallies, it was easy to spot the newbie. He was tall and sat up on his bike, way too straight. He looked uncomfortable, plus as the group turned left in front of me, he kept his feet on the ground. He only put them on his foot pegs when he was almost to the curb. I didn’t mean to stare, but I was. He had a smile on his face as if I was checking him out. As I left I chuckled to myself, sure I was watching him, but not for the reasons he thought.
Now the weather has changed and it is sprinkling out side. I don’t mind, I love the rain as well. We need it as it is. I want to plant my seeds for my flowers, this weekend. If we don’t get any rain, the soil will be too dry to plant in. If this weekend is rainy and cold, it’s still fine with me. At least I had time last week to get back out there.
It was good to get out of the house and be in the water and then lie in the warm sun and dry off. I played with the sand and found a stick of driftwood and drew in the sand. Only after I smoothed out a spot and made it nice and clean, like a piece of paper. I took time to give thanks God for the ocean and the wonderful sea with all its creatures. Like the little sea-horses that look like they are branches of seaweed. I have seen a lot of them at the aquarium. I don’t mind seeing jelly fish, as long as they are behind thick Plexiglas.
The other animals I like are the otters, they look so happy and play and swim fast. They seem as if they don’t have a care in the world. In some of the tours I have taken it’s been noted that the less predators the animals have the more they are free to learn tricks. Since the Shamus Wales are high up on the food change they can learn to do all sorts of tricks.
I didn’t see any dolphins this time, lots of pelicans and the seagulls of course.
Since it was warm there were many more families than is normal for January. At this time of year it just the surfers and a few joggers. Sometimes families with dogs are there and always people on beach cursers, but they are just getting around.
After my session, I went to get something to eat. It was too late to go to the local hang out. I would be waiting for too long. As I left I saw a group of guys on motorcycles. Since I ride my scooter, and have been on tons of rallies, it was easy to spot the newbie. He was tall and sat up on his bike, way too straight. He looked uncomfortable, plus as the group turned left in front of me, he kept his feet on the ground. He only put them on his foot pegs when he was almost to the curb. I didn’t mean to stare, but I was. He had a smile on his face as if I was checking him out. As I left I chuckled to myself, sure I was watching him, but not for the reasons he thought.
Now the weather has changed and it is sprinkling out side. I don’t mind, I love the rain as well. We need it as it is. I want to plant my seeds for my flowers, this weekend. If we don’t get any rain, the soil will be too dry to plant in. If this weekend is rainy and cold, it’s still fine with me. At least I had time last week to get back out there.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Scared
I can’t say that I don’t get scared every once in a while. It can be intimidating to go up the line up with the guys, men that have been surfing much longer than I have. I don’t like taking my scooter over the bridges in Long Beach, that one is scary.
It was scary to dance in front of my friends last Sunday. I haven’t been out the beach in a while. I have been spending all my time practicing for my performance. Yes, getting back out there will be a little scary.
I don’t get a lot of help with the scary stuff. No one is in my corner telling me I can do it, until I am about to go out there and do it. During the time I am thinking about doing something adventurous I have no help. While I am preparing to go out and do something new I have no help. I pray about things and I tell myself over and over again that if I don’t do it I will regret it. If I waited for someone to help me and hold my hand I would never do any of this.
As a result I do feel more scared about things. I still do them since my life would be boring if I didn’t. If I waited to be taken out dancing I would be at home. If I waited for someone to go with me to the beach, it would be years later. I still have to wait for things, but for the things I can do on my own I just do them without waiting. I practice over and over again so I can avoid making too many mistakes. It helps me not be quite as sacred.
I do envy people that have more confidence than I. If there were another deciding factor other than boredom and exasperation, it would be nice. As it is, I have used my fear of leading a dull life as the impetuses to keep trying new things. Scared or not, I will still go out there and try new things.
It was scary to dance in front of my friends last Sunday. I haven’t been out the beach in a while. I have been spending all my time practicing for my performance. Yes, getting back out there will be a little scary.
I don’t get a lot of help with the scary stuff. No one is in my corner telling me I can do it, until I am about to go out there and do it. During the time I am thinking about doing something adventurous I have no help. While I am preparing to go out and do something new I have no help. I pray about things and I tell myself over and over again that if I don’t do it I will regret it. If I waited for someone to help me and hold my hand I would never do any of this.
As a result I do feel more scared about things. I still do them since my life would be boring if I didn’t. If I waited to be taken out dancing I would be at home. If I waited for someone to go with me to the beach, it would be years later. I still have to wait for things, but for the things I can do on my own I just do them without waiting. I practice over and over again so I can avoid making too many mistakes. It helps me not be quite as sacred.
I do envy people that have more confidence than I. If there were another deciding factor other than boredom and exasperation, it would be nice. As it is, I have used my fear of leading a dull life as the impetuses to keep trying new things. Scared or not, I will still go out there and try new things.
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