There Yet?

I try my best to keep active and take care of my dogs by walking them. In the last few weeks I have lost 5 lbs. The truth is, I need to lose like 40 more pounds to be at a good weight for myself and my health.

I am no where close to where I need to be. It can be like that in other areas in my life as well. In the last few years I have had a lot of financial set backs. I am no where near where I should be. I have been looking for jobs and have an interview next week. I don't know where I will get the energy to do the things I need to, but some how I will try to get it all done.

As far as my book goes, I am no where near to having it published and I really wanted to have that done by now and be moving on to my next project. I haven't even been working on anything new, not until I can get this 1st project off the ground.

It has not been easy getting knocked down in business dealings and it makes you feel like you are taking ten steps back. As I try to move forward with my goals there are other road blocks and they have to be dealt with. Like, how do you help your family when you don't have a job to contribute money to the bills? It makes you feel useless and as I have said before that is why its called a depression. When you feel so low, how do you find the courage to go out and promote yourself as a good employee?

For myself I have to write down my good qualities and that is hard. I am hard on myself and I think about all the things I have to do better and not about the things I do well. Still I write down, Things I like about me today. In that I can find some redeemable things that will make a good writer, employee and friend. Am I there yet? Not by a long shot. I just keep walking straight ahead.

Need to get back

The summer is coming and for tourist and beach bunnies, this is the time you think of surfing. Real surfers think of it all year long. Since I am still not that great at it, it can be a good time for me, when the surf is not that high.

The fact is that last year I had the pups to take care of and then I had to help close a shop. My garage has been such a mess I have not even been able to get my board out of the back. Now I can, so I need to get back out there.

In the mean time I have been keeping up with my walking and my belly dancing. Both help with my core, so I don't have to feel like I am balancing on my belly and have it feel like being on a bowling ball. Not fun and it doesn't make paddling out easy.

Yes its been too long and I need to get out there again. I really want to as well. All this is to keep me active and in shape as I get older. Its also a lot of fun. I have other goals I have been working on as well and it all helps out. The best is tasting the salty water in my mouth and smelling it in my hair. I can't wait.

Good tired

I have been reaching my goal of 12 miles a week with the dogs. My stamina is being built. Today I was too tired to get out. Not that I won't later. I just have other things to do.

It has been satisfying to get tired knowing I am doing something that is good for me and my dogs. When I am walking and listening to my Ipod, I feel good about myself.
The new shoes are working out great. They are so comfortable and yes my legs look better. I try not to get too caught up in the song and sing out loud, that is for home, while I watch You Tube.

It has been inspiring to see other performances and to try to improve my own. As I work towards my goals it all helps.

All this walking and my dancing makes me good and tired. I slept in today, not that I wanted to, I just couldn't get up. That the good thing about being unemployed, I don't' have to been anywhere on time. The other thing that is good is having the time to do research and find other music to use. Since the dogs are nice and tired its nice and quite when I need to work. Tired can be a good thing when you know you have worked hard to get there.

Giving things up

I love to do a good spring cleaning and purging the closets and cleaning up. I usually do a good cleaning of the house just before I do some writing project. It helps me to just concentrate on my writing knowing the house is not falling apart around me.

Other friends of mine have been giving up junk food. It seems like something small, but with all the sugar in the food it saves a lot of calories you don't need. If you do that and then go back to junk food it isn't fun. You may realise how badly it makes you feel.

There are other things we have to leave give up. Old clothes is one. On a recent trip I was able to pick up some much needed new clothes. The old ones, I can not wait to get ride of. I have been limping along with old skirts that don't fit and therefore do not flatter. I have things that look good one me right now and I haven't had that feeling in a while. I have been content with what I had and just made due. I had forgotten how nice it is to have something new and works. It may seem silly, but last year was so bad, and other than some t-shirts bought at sample sales I have not had anything new in a long time.

There are good reasons for giving things up every once in a while. We can't give everything away, but some things yes. A friend of mine gives me her surplus of cosmetics every once in a while, I usually get enough to share with even others. Waste not want not, its not just for decoration on a pillow. What things can you do without that some one else might really need?

Cold Spring

So far this year in So Cal we keep getting rain and cold. I love what it does for my lawn and flowers. My allergies have taken a beating.

With my goals of walking the dogs a lot, it has put a stop to some of that. I did take them out on Monday and Tuesday morning, before it started to rain. It did help to get time tired. If it doesn't rain tomorrow I will take them out again.

One of the benefits is that the house is nice and peaceful and I can get things done. It was hard to cook a whole turkey with them in the kitchen yesterday. (left over since November, when the price was discounted.) It was still manageable. Since I am still unemployed, making meals that stretch has been a necessity. One of the good things about being home, is having the time to make these meals.

The other thing about being home is also getting to the projects you have been putting off. Monday started my spring cleaning effort. If the job situation stays the same I could be done in record time. With a full time job it takes me a month of Wednesday evenings to finish. I am not a neat freak by any stretch of the imagination, but every once in a while, it feels great to purge. What ever your projects are. Planting new tomatoes or lawns, I hope all the rain helps! It might be a cold spring, but its so good for us.

Keep going

In the next two months I will have a performance to get ready for. The great thing is that I am well on my way to being ready. Only because I have been walking, been taking my belly dance classes all along.

No one can just jump up and run a marathon. While it can seem pointless at times and we all get blue, if we stick to our routines we can reach our goals. If I didn't have my dogs and they didn't need to be walked I wouldn't have my motivation to get going. When they are walked and happy the house is quite and I can do my writing.

Keeping up my walking has helped me feel better about myself when things have seemed like they are crashing in on me. Having to see the shop I worked at close down due to the economy made me feel blue as well. All this doesn't help you feel like getting out there.

Now that I have a new goal and I have been walking and dancing I know I will look good for the performance. With out my routine where would I be? In bed with a bottle of wine feeling sorry for myself? I have to add another piece of the puzzle, I do pray. Others don't and I respect that, for me as I walk my dogs I take time to thank God for all the good things I have. It helps to keep my attitude positive.

So even if you don't pray, if you get out and do some sort of exercise, you will feel better. And don't we need that to keep going?

Recoup

This last week I have had a cold and I have been unable to do my walks, or belly dance and no surfing.

The only to do is recoup and stay in, drink juice and take my cough syrup. Not much fun. On the other hand, I have been doing so much, Its nice to take it easy for a while. Since I don't have a job I have the luxury of time to get better.

That may all be going away soon, and while I have a projects I wished I had finished, the thing is I need to get paid. The spring cleaning projects I have planned can still get done, I just can't spend all day on them. Weekend projects for now.

With all the walking I have been doing my feet have really taken a beating, so its nice for them to get a rest as well. At night I put on a heavy cream to help them heal. This week I have also had time to do some writing and that makes me feel good. Its true when you lose your job it makes you question your worth, there is nothing to be done but heal from that. It has taken me months, and only after getting out there and walking and doing other things that make me feel good, do I have the courage to keep going.

There are nice things about being home all the time, and taking care of the house. Its just that doesn't pay the bills and sooner or later we all have to pull up our socks and get out there.